


if the words we exchange won't be forgotten (we'll swear this love for another 100 years)

by rainny_days



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, Lich!Taako, M/M, Mostly Fluff, an exuse to write lich taako&barry shenanigans, and his nerd brother-in-law, but y'all knew that already, look ma it's a fic!, taako loves his sister, they die but don't worry they get better, thin justifications to write whatever i want, with a scatter of angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-04-04 20:53:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 26,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14028522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainny_days/pseuds/rainny_days
Summary: Taako refuses to let his sister become a lich alone.This...changes things.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Bond Points](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11211963) by [Ludella](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ludella/pseuds/Ludella). 



> i...don't actually think that taako would want to become a lich- 's not our boy's style.
> 
> i do think, though, that he'd do a good deal of things that he doesn't like to be with his sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think some part of me always knew that my first fic in almost a decade would be for....a dnd podcast. i love griffin's word pictures so i'm gonna shamelessly lift from him, so if you see anything familiar that's why.
> 
> inspired by ludella's [bond points](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11211963/chapters/25046301), because it made me thirsty for lich!taako fics. all of this was written in between (and in the middle of) lectures, so excuse any mistakes.
> 
> title from arashi's 5x10, because i'm rainbow trash at heart, apparently.

“Barry and I are going to become liches.”

It takes a millisecond for Taako to make his decision, looking at his sister’s apprehensive face. He’d known that something was up for a while now, even disregarding Lup’s sudden request. He wasn’t one of the greatest wizards in the planar systems (to put it lightly) for nothing, and it didn't exactly take a genius to figure out that Lup and Barry were up to something, shifty as they were. Even if Barry hadn’t been hopeless at lying, Taako knew his twin too well to think that their behavior was simply something borne out of their relatively new romance.

Of _course_ they were going to become powerful dark spirits, what with Barry’s weird necromancy fetish and Lup’s reckless brilliance, of course they were going to do this without telling anyone but him.

He could see the logic in it, of course- it would be helpful to have members of the crew who could help out even after their deaths, granting that this thing sticks between cycles, and the power boost doesn’t exactly hurt, either. It wasn't as if death really _meant_ anything to any of them, anymore. Even this, as dangerous as it was, was more akin to a experiment than anything else.

Of course, there was always the possibility that both of them would go insane, and _that_ version of them would be what he was stuck with for the rest of eternity. His other half - his _heart_ \- and honorary brother-in-law, leaving him behind in their madness. It wasn't worth considering.

A thousand protests ran through his mind- that it was impossible, that there were no recorded successes, that they would go insane and leave him _alone-_ but it would be pointless. He knew his sister better than he knew himself, and he could recognize that look on her face. It was the same look she’d had when their relatives tried to separate them, when she saw the brochures for fantasy NASA, when their instructors told them that the IPRE might only accept one of them. Planets would align themselves under those eyes.

His hands shook, he’d never been as brave as Lup. But that had never stopped him from following his sister into the fire. He smiled.

“So, Lulu, where’s the signup sheet for this thing?”

* * *

 “Are you fucking _insane_?”

Barry looks between the two of them incredulously, face bright with disbelief. Lup looks like she's at the end of her rope, her hair rumpled as if she’d been running her fingers through it in frustration. Her twin, in contrast, looks completely unconcerned.

“Are _you_?” Taako counters, twirling his wand idly. “Because you must have a screw loose if you think I’mma let you and Lu do this thing alone.”

“That’s- Lup and I have been planning this for _cycles_ , we’ve been designing the ceremony, finding the right spells, making contingencies-”

“Looks like I’m not gonna have to do any work here, then. Just how I like it.”

“-creating _anchors_ ; Taako, you can’t just _become a lich_ all willy-nilly, you’re going to go _insane_ if you don't have an anchor- Lup has us, and I have her and the mission-”

“Your anchor is _work_ ? Man, Lu, are you _sure_ you want _this_ guy?”

Lup elbows him in the ribs, hard, sending him a glower as she swats Barry’s head and puts a stop to his rant. She sighs, hissing through her gritted teeth. “Look, babe, I get what you’re saying, but believe me when I say that I have _talked_ to Ko about this, at _length_ , and he isn’t budging.” She rolls her eyes, looking more irritated than fond. “Better it be with us knowing than him party-crashing our fuckin’ ceremony- which is totally what he will do, by the way.”

“We can't just let him become a lich, Lup! We have to do the ceremony this cycle, or we have to prepare the spells all over again, and we can't risk him going insane without an anchor!”

“Don't even worry about it, my man, Taako’s _got_ this.” The elf grins, pointing his fingers towards Barry in a cocky finger-gun.

Barry cocks his eyebrow at Lup, wondering if Taako’s being serious, and gets an similarly incredulous look in return. Lup makes an infuriated noise at her brother. “Care to _elaborate_ on that, bro?”

“Not really, no- _ow_ , fine, Lu, fuckin’ hell. I already _have_ my anchor, alright? She’s standing right _here_.”

Lup blinks and softens involuntarily, startled into affection her brother’s words, before processing what he actually means.

“Taako,” she tells him, a little less sharply, “I love you, you know I do, and I get that that I’m yours as much as you are mine, but- Koko, you _can't_ just have me as your anchor. That’s dangerous as fuck.”

Barry nods. “There’s a reason that both Lup and I have more than one anchor, Taako. They’re the only things that will tether you to the world once you become a lich- you can't put all your eggs in one basket, so to speak.”

Lup takes over again. “I hate to say this, Taako, but what if I die early in the cycle?” She rolls her eyes at Barry and Taako’s forlorn looks. “Don't look so fucking down, babes, it’s not as if it hasn't happened before. I’m not exactly overjoyed at the prospect, either, but I can't have you going cuckoo every time I kick the bucket.”

“You say that is if that doesn't happen anyways,” Taako mutters. “But point taken, Lulu. Thing is, I _do_ have another anchor.” He smirks at their incredulous looks. “Like I said, cha’boy has _got_ this.”

There’s an expectant silence, and Taako draws it out for all that it’s worth. Lup rolls her eyes at her boyfriend, mouthing _‘drama queen’_ at him.

“ _Well_?” She demands. And Taako twists to smirk at her smugly.

He holds out his arms to his sides, as if to answer her question. Barry just keeps staring at him, confused, but Lup makes a noise of realisation, followed immediately by one of incredulous outrage.

“ _Seriously,_ Taako? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Same thing that’s wrong with you, I’m guessing,” Taako retorts, earning himself another punch to the side. Barry gives Lup a pleading look, and she explains- “He’s talking about using _himself_ as an anchor, the goddamn lunatic.”

“Hey, don't knock it, sis, who the fuck is better for Taako than Taako? It’s just, like, cementing the ol’ brand.”

“That-” Barry rubs his temples, feeling exhausted. “You get that that’s insane, right? You can't just- use _yourself_ as an anchor, that’s not how anchors _work_ , what the fuck.”

“It’s not as if I’m _just_ using myself as my anchor, m'dude, I’m using my belief in my _magic_ \- Lup and magic, the two things that I trust most in the world.”

Taako talks as if it were immovable fact- as if the fact of him and his sister, their power and potential and the fact of their existence - were the most concrete, immovable things in the planar systems. It was the same way that Lup talked about her boys, the way Barry talked about finding a way to defeat the Hunger. He looks at Lup.

“Fucking hell, fine.” Lup says, throwing her arms into the air. “It’s not as if you’re going to listen to reason, anyways.”

The most infuriating thing is that Taako doesn't even bother to look smug about his victory, his face flickering into sharp, desperate relief before smoothing back into his usual smirk.

“Glad we’re in agreement,” he says, twirling his wand with an elegant twist of his wrist. “So, what’s the plan?”

* * *

 For a moment, he doesn’t think it’ll work.

They’re standing in a circle, Barry holding Lup’s holding Taako’s holding Barry’s hand, all three of them wearing red robes on top of the circle they had meticulously drawn on the grassy plane. Barry channels his magic into the circle, murmuring the spell as he feels the ground shift beneath his feet. He can feel Lup and Taako’s magic joining his, Lup’s crackling bonfire and Taako’s icy storm. He feels a sharp, drawn-out pain, like being electrocuted in slow-motion, and then he’s looking at his body drop to the ground, the other two’s falling in a single motion.

There’s a second where he’s consumed by his power, the energy flowing through his spectral form taking over his consciousness, even as he tries to clutch of the remaining tendrils of his lucidity between his fingers- and then he sees Lup’s body, and the spectral form that simultaneously looks nothing like her but is still unquestionably, undeniably _her_ , and he’s himself again.

The dark void that stood in place of Lup’s face looks at him, and he knows, even without being able to see her features, that she’s wearing a shit-eating grin.

“L̴o҉͘ok̴̢i̡̨ng̷҉ ̧͢͜g̴̷͢oo̶̵d̸,͝ ̛͢͡b̨a̴b̴͢e.”

Her voice is different, like she was speaking with fire, with light, like she could set planets alight with her words. It is beautiful. He reaches for her, and she takes one of his ghostly hands in hers before looking towards the spirit rising out of her brother. “Yo̴u͏ ̸̢g̸͡o͝od̷,̵̧͞ b̢a̷͏b̷̨̛y b̧r͏̧o̸͢? ͠͡N̢ot ̛g̛o͠͝nņa͘͡͝ ̵̵͜go͠ ̴͡c͠ų̛c҉̷k̴̕o͢o ̴̡ǫn ͝u̶͡s̶͟͠?”

The figure makes an annoyed noise, which sounds bizarre filtered through the eldritch voice-distortion. “J̨͜͢u̵s̛t̡͢͠ ̨̡͢t̛r҉y̢̢i̕͡ņg͝ n̨̕͠o̷̶̕t͟ ͜tǫ̛͞ ̡ḩar҉̴s͠h ̸̛y͘ou̷͠͝ŗ̵ ͏b̸҉u̢zz̸̕͝,̢͡ ͘Lu̧lu̷͟.̕ ҉̨͜Ḑ͠҉i̸͠d̷n҉'̕͢t̨̕ ̢͜͜w҉҉͝a̶͘n̢͡t͏ ͏t͘o ͟͢intr͠͏͡u̕d̢͞e ̸̛on̶͞ ̕͝y̶͠͞o͝u̴r m̡̧o͠͏m͝e̷̶n̛t͞.” he huffs. He pauses at the distortion in his voice, and when he next speaks, he’s carefully modulating his voice. “A̛n͟d d̨o̴n't ͝f̵uc̵ki͝n’ li͡e̴,̴ ͢w̢e ͘b̕oth know I’m the older sibling in this duo, _lil’ sis_.”

“You don't know _shit_ , Koko-”

“Neither do _you_!”

The sight of them arguing, as familiar as it is new and strange, is what reassures Barry that they’re okay. He lets go of Lup and holds up both of his palms- “Guys, how many times have you had this argument? You’re _twins_ , it doesn’t matter!”

Both figures turn towards him.

“Stay out of this, Barold-”

“No offence, babe, but this ain’t your fight-”

“ _Guys_ ,” he says, more firmly. “Can we get to the more important point? It _worked_!”

The two of them change instantly, their shadowy faces twisting in a facsimile of a grin.

“Hell _yeah_ we did it!” Taako says, grinning, throwing an arm around the other two. “Point to team magic, baby!”

“I didn’t doubt us for a _second_ .” Lup laughs, clear and ringing, her fingers tangled with Barry’s. “We’re going to be fuckin’ _legends_.”

* * *

 Lup’s disappearance was hard on both of them.

Barry wanted to fall apart- to pull at the threads of his soul until he found the thread connecting him and Lup. He could feel red sparks fall from his fingers when he woke up and realised she wasn’t beside him, the unravelling of his body when he thought of days- months- _years_ spent without her. He held himself together with pure force of will, tethering himself to his body and reminding himself that there needed for there to be something left of it when, _when_ they found her again. He needed to keep it together for Lup- and for Taako.

Because Taako looked as unraveled as Barry felt, not bothering to hide behind his usual facade of nonchalance in his anxiety. He looked almost _disheveled_ , with dark circles under his eyes and a frantic energy in his movements, his words furious and biting to everyone unless they had leads on his wayward sister or their name was Barry- mostly, Barry thought, because Barry was the only one who was as obsessive about Lup’s disappearance as he was. They comforted each other as much as they were able to, both of them sharply aware that they had lost a large part of what was anchoring them in the material world, both of them knowing that Lup would be devastated if either of them lost their humanities.

Sometimes, that was the only thing that kept them from letting go.

Barry didn’t know how much time passed before it happened- the days after Lup vanished blurred together, passing in a haze of pain and loss. They were looking over a map, following another lead that would more likely than not lead to nowhere, and Barry couldn’t help but ask the question that he’d never been brave enough to articulate.

“Taako, what if- what if she’s just gone?”

 

 

 

“Who?”

 

 

 

Barry’s eyes jerks to meet Taako’s, panic rising in his throat. “Ta- Taako? Taako, I’m-”

He looks horrified, Barry thinks distantly, eyes wide and pleading for Barry to answer him, terrified tears rolling down his cheeks. And Barry opens his mouth to reply- and realises that he _can’t_.

“What if who’s gone?”

“What are we-? Oh, god, _Lup_ ,” the name comes and goes in a flash, and he sees the same brief recognition reflected in Taako’s face before in fades again, and in the space of a breath, her name is lost. “Taako, I’m- I can’t remember her face, Taako. Taako, where-”

“ _Who’s_ _face_?” he demands, grabbing Barry’s arm and bringing things back into focus. He tries to remember her again, desperately-

“Is this Fisher?” he asks, even as that memory also fades, slipping through his fingers until he doesn’t understand what he just said- his mind searches furiously for an answer, a way to _remember_ \- and he realises-

“Taako, k-kill me! Right now! I’ll- I’ll remember if I’m a lich, I can- please, Taako, just kill me! It’ll- I’ll be okay! I can’t forget, I’m, I’m, begging you, please, Taako! Please!”

He can see the understanding dawn in Taako’s- the elf’s eyes, and he ( _who?_ ) grabs his wand and points it at him, light shining at the tip.

“ _Now!_ ” he demands, and Barry realises that he’s also holding a wand, and both of them are blasting each other- he staggers back at the sharp pain, the black spots dancing over his vision, and tips over the railings of the ship _(why is he in a ship?)_.

And as he falls, he can see the elf who’s probably killed him lean over the railing, blood seeping through his shirt and fading into his red robe- and then he’s falling too, catching up to him in lightspeed, and for a moment their eyes meet, and Barry wonders _why_ they killed each other- why he doesn’t feel any anger at the other, or any vindication at seeing his last moments.

In his last seconds of consciousness, he sees a small, dark figure looking over the railing, hears a female voice scream, voice fading into static- “ _Barry, Taako, no-!”-_

And then there’s nothing but static and darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if any of the explanations seem sketch, consider this: i really, _really_ wanted taako to become a lich.
> 
> tbc probably


	2. I

For a second, Taako doesn’t remember what happened.

He wakes up - comes into being? - in a dark, forested area, and doesn't understand how he got here, why his form feels erratic and shifting, magic running along him like a livewire. He- he was a lich? Why wasn't he in bed in the Starblaster, or at the table on the deck, drifting off unintentionally while searching for Lup-

_Lup!_

His memory comes flooding back- talking to Barry about looking for Lup, the awful moment of blankness when Barry spoke- her face, her voice, her _existence_  being wiped from his memories, flickering and fading into pure static- pointing his wand at the man in front of him without quite knowing why, only knowing that they both had to die, _right now_ \- falling off the Starblaster, seeing Lucretia scream after them as they both plummeted downwards-

He gasps raggedly- or tries to, before realising that he doesn’t have a mouth - or lungs - to take a breath with.

_It worked._

He looks down, and sees his corpse splayed beneath him, broken and bloodied and grotesque. He doesn’t gag- he had died his fair share of times after becoming a lich, and while seeing your own dead body was never really any less of a trip, it had stopped giving him the same sense of _wrongness_ that he'd once felt.

Some treacherous part of his mind superimposes his broken body onto his sister’s, and he feels a flare of uncontrolled magic dissolve his form before he pulls himself together.

Closing his eyes, Taako forces his mind to still, pulling his spectral body together and reminding himself that _it was okay, it worked, he still had his sister, he could still_ find _his sister_ until he could feel himself settling, solidifying, until he looks down at his hands to find that they _were_ his hands again, albeit his lich hands- whorls of brightly colored shadows that formed themselves into the vague shape of his hands.

He looks around, searching for another bloodied red robe in his vicinity- no such luck, Barry hadn't landed near him.

Taako turns his face - which resembled his living visage, albeit more shadowy and colored with streaks of light, as if he were wearing an elaborate array of facepaint -  towards his corpse once more, considering.

He sighs- there was nothing to it, he would have to leave his body behind to look for Barry. He couldn’t exactly exert the energy necessary to lug his body around with him, especially with his current, mostly-incorporeal form.

He turns away, pauses, then turns back around and funnels a thin thread of energy into his arms, until he can reach out and touch his body.

His shadowy visage twists into a grin.

* * *

 “Yo! Barold!”

Barry whirls around to face the source of the voice, until he is face-to-face with Taako’s lich form. It’s as neatly maintained as ever, the image of his face swirled with elegant whorls and swoops of shadows, eyes bright and glowing violet around pupils flashing bright with gold. Both the twins had spent a good while learning how to manipulate their lich forms until they looked, as Lup calls it, “ _hella fuckin’ rad_ ”. Looking at Taako’s elaborate features, proof that losing his body didn't also cost him his sanity - sends both a sharp pain and relief coursing through Barry.

“Taako, thank god,” he says, floating towards Taako. “I was worried, I thought-”

He thought that there might’ve been a chance that Taako had gone insane, bereft of both his physical form and his anchor. When Barry had come back to himself, he almost regretted listening to Taako and allowing them both to die, instead of allowing Taako to keep his body- and, by extension, his sanity.

But then, he couldn’t regret allowing Taako to remember his sister. He was sure that the other would never have forgiven him, if he had allowed him to forget.

“Yeah, my man, I get it. Taako’s good. You?”

“I’m fine- your body?”

His counterpart grins. “Good _question_ , hombre. You wanna see something awesome?”

Barry blinks, but allows Taako to lead him through the woods, until they come to a body leaning against a thick oak. For a moment, Barry feels sick, looking at the bloody body of his friend. Taako looks _wrong_ dead, limp limbs splayed-

He chokes.

“Did you arrange your body to be making the fucking _finger_?”

Taako doubles over with laughter at the incredulity in Barry’s voice, the strident voice ringing throughout the woods. “Isn’t it _great_ ? If Taako’s goin’ out, he’s goin’ out with _style_ . Ya’ think whoever finds this’ll write some epics about me? _God_ , I hope it’s a bard.”

“Why are you like this,” Barry sighs, and then focuses. “What happened- it felt like _Fisher_.”

“I can't think of any other explanations,” Taako agrees, sobering. “Like, it ain’t as if there are a shitton of memory-eating jellyfish floating around this planar system, and I can't think of any spells off of the top of my head that would have the same effects as voidfish static- and if anyone would know, it would be me.”

Barry shrugs a shoulder, conceding the point. “What could’ve happened, though? Was it just us?” He remembers the last moments of consciousness. “Lucretia- I saw her-”

“Yeah, same, she clearly knew us.” Taako confirmed, features sharpening as he became absorbed in magical theory. “So she clearly wasn't affected- was it a delayed reaction? What about everyone else? Were they affected? If they weren’t- how would that even _happen-_ I’ve never seen Fisher fuckin’ using _selective memory loss_. Every time they’ve eaten a memory, it was either erased entirely or projected to everyone.”

His shadowy visage twisted as a thought occurred to him. “Do you think- was it Magnus?”

Barry paused, wondering. He could see why Taako would wonder about that- Magnus was undeniably the member of the crew closest to Fisher, and if anybody would’ve known about any other abilities of their’s, it would've been him.

On the other hand-

“It isn't...exactly his style,” to put it lightly. “And _why_ would he do something like that, anyways? And how would he have found out? I don't think we’ve forgotten anything else- though, I guess we wouldn't have known.”

Taako nods a little too quickly. “Yeah, I can't see it either- subtlety is not exactly Maggie’s forte.”

He shakes his head. “There’s no fuckin’ point to this- we don't even know _if_ anyone else is affected, yet. We need to get back to the Starblaster.”

Barry nods. “We shouldn’t have fallen that far from the ship, height notwithstanding,” He pauses, turning to look at the bloody wreckage that was his former body. “Should we...do something? About the- about our bodies?”

Taako looks skeptical. “You want to, what, summon a extradimensional shovel and fuckin’ dig a grave? Nah, hombre, this ain't our problem- we're free from our flesh prisons, baby!”

Taako sounds more spirited than he's been in months, as if losing his body and not his mind took some great weight off of his mind. Barry couldn’t help but laugh, feeling the same sense of slightly hysterical relief. All this time, he had been afraid of losing control, of being forced to watch Taako lose control, before they found Lup, and now they were both spectral forms hovering over their broken bodies, no longer alive, but still sane.

It wouldn’t last forever, of course- they longer they both stayed without their anchors, the greater risk they had of becoming unraveled. There was no regenerating this time, no magic button that would allow them to form physical bodies again. They didn’t even have any idea if they'd find their friends as they were, memories intact.

But they were still both themselves, for however long it would last.

They could still find Lup.

* * *

 “It’s gone.”

Barry’s words hangs in the space between them, empty and startlingly loud in the still sky. He and Taako stares at the spot where the Starblaster had been, now only a empty stretch of space.

“How long were we out?” Barry wonders. “It couldn't have been fast for them to steer the entire ship beyond our scope.”

“Was _everyone_ but us in on it?” Taako murmurs, ignoring him. He sounds carefully measured. Flashes of bright red and violet spark from his form, betraying his anger in a way that he would’ve never shown in his body. “Did Davenport decide that my _sister_ wasn't worth finding anymore?”

“ _Why_ , though?” Barry responds, furiously trying to keep his own magical form from bleeding into the air. “There must’ve been easier ways to do this- and it wasn't as if the others didn't want to find Lup.”

Barry forced himself to think rationally, because Taako was clearly not able to. The members of the Starblaster crew _loved_ Lup, without a doubt. He couldn't imagine any of them giving up on her, after a century of getting to know her in all her brilliance. But someone - or something - had clearly tried to take their memories of her away, and the ship was now undeniably gone. The only people who knew how to steer her disappearing as well. It was difficult not to consider betrayal as a possibility, horrifying as the idea might be.

That was, unless they were all deprived of their memories, going on the run because they didn't _know_ that anybody else was missing.

“Taako-” Barry says, voice sharp with realisation. “It’s not just Lup- we were losing _everything_ . I couldn't remember you, either, or the Starblaster, or Lucretia. It was only that Lup was _first_.”

He hadn't realised, at first, because the horror of losing the love of his life had eclipsed everything else. Taako, going by the startled look on his face, hadn't realised it either.

“How much were we going to forget?” He wonders, the full extent of the idea washing over him in a cold chill. “Fuck- did the others even realise that we were gone?”

He couldn't help but think of Lucretia, calling out after them as they fell from the Starblaster. Did her memories of them fade away, even as she watched them fall? Did she fall against the railings and cry for these figures she didn’t know, that died before she could understand why she was weeping for them? Did she look around, at the blood staining the floorboards, the railings, the table covered with maps and notes- and not know how they got there, realising that she didn't even know where she was? Barry was suddenly filled with grief for the woman that he’d come to see as a younger sister. At the fear she must’ve felt.

Taako was untensing slightly, as reluctant as Barry is to suspect his friends of ill intent.

“That doesn't matter,” he says, resolute. “We’re going to find them. And we’re going to find my heart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im also on [tumblr](http://tweetsongs.tumblr.com)


	3. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im on [tumblr](http://tweetsongs.tumblr.com) too i guess

As it turned out, looking for their wayward family was a more daunting task than they’d first thought.

It took a while for them to even start looking, considering the fact that they had no idea where they could begin. They had no belongings, no home base, volatile magic - at best - and no physical forms to interact in. Both of them had started fraying at the edges, the loss of one of their anchors taking a toll on their stabilities. They had to stay together so that one of them would be able to pull the other back when they started losing control, which made their search slow and tedious.

It didn't take long for Taako to get sick of their meandering pace, and the two were soon considering how to get their bodies back- or, at the very least, get some form of physicality back. Between Taako’s transmutation and Barry’s necromancy specialities, it didn't seem like an impossible task.

“I mean, I can probably make us stone bodies, but biological functions aren’t possible unless I have a sample. I can change what’s there, but I can't change inorganic material to organic material.”

“I don't think that would make much of a difference, sanity-wise,” Barry said. “Like, we would both still be technically dead, so.”

“Unless you have a way to grow our bodies from scratch, Barold-” Taako paused, then grinned maniacally. Barry winced. That smile, from either of the twins, spelt nothing but trouble.

“Uh, Taako?”

“Hang tight to those bluejeans, Barold, because I’m gonna blow your _mind_.”

* * *

His idea was batshit insane, completely impossible, and fucking _genius_ , as Taako’s plans were wont to be.

_“If we can’t transmute a body, why don't we just grow one?”_

They worked together on the machine, Barry designing it based on his knowledge of the growth of the human body, and Taako filching supplies (including getting samples from their corpses to grow, which neither of them felt as weird about as they probably should’ve) and making suggestions to streamline the process. Between Barry’s detailed knowledge on biology, necromancy and the intersection thereof, and Taako’s ingenuity and unexpected knack for biology ( _“Who d’you think helped Lulu transition?” he’d said, when Barry had first asked him about the matter. “It’s why I got into transmutation in the first place”_ ), it took them just short of a year to create the thing that would grow their bodies. And the rest of the year for the body to grow.

They were both more steady now, a clear goal keeping them grounded the way that their pure desire to find their wayward teammates, sister and beloved could not. Barry and Taako were pragmatic, unless it came to Lup. Pure hope could not sustain them.

They had decided to grow Taako’s body first, because the elf was becoming more and more erratic as time went on. Each day that passed without finding his sister, his confidence in his own abilities waned further.

“Are you sure about this?” Barry asks, looking at Taako’s body floating in the tank. “It...hasn't exactly been tested.”

“I trust you.” Taako replies, uncharacteristically solemn. Then he smirks. “Besides, you weren’t the only one working on this thing- it’s got the Taako Brand of Approval, baby!”

With that, in a dramatic and entirely unnecessary movement, he leaps into the tube.

There’s a momentary glow as his lich form merges with the body, and a few violet sparks dance along the new Taako’s limbs before fading. Barry tenses at the moment of inactivity.

And then Taako’s eyes fly open, and he opens his mouth in a scream.

Barry flies backwards as cracks appear in the glass, the clear fluid within coming out in small drips, then in spurts, as the entire tube bursts open and the elf within falls onto the floor.

Barry reaches out instinctively, only to find Taako flinching away, scrabbling on hands and knees away from him, disregarding the broken glass. Barry frozen for a moment, feeling a sharp pain at the fear in his friend’s eyes.

“...Taako?”

Pale eyes focus on him, and he could see Taako sharpening his edges, raising his walls, as if to ready for an attack.

“Who the ever lovin’ fuck _are you_ , dickface, and why the _hell_ are you keeping me in a jar?”

The bottom of Barry’s stomach dropped out.

“Oh, oh _shit_.”

* * *

 

“Taako- I swear to god, I’m not here to hurt you-”

“Maybe stop with the whole ‘hooded ghost’ thing if you’re going for Casper, my dude,” Taako snaps back, terrified and untethered in a way that Barry, even with his century of experience, didn't recognise on him. “Protip, don't fuckin’ kidnap people you want to be buds with, unless you’re taking them to a swanky hotel. This whole ‘dark, mysterious cave’ thing is _rockin’_ your aesthetics, but not so much your charisma skills.”

“My name is Barry, Barry Bluejeans-”

“Fuck, _what_? I can't believe that I’ve been elfnapped by someone named _Bluejeans_. I refuse to believe it. You need a new alias, m’dude- how ‘bout something like- I don’t know, Hallwinter? Some pretentious shit like that?”

Barry sighed. Taako was still Taako, after all, regardless of his memory, or lack thereof. “Look, Taako, I swear, I’m your friend- we live here together-”

“Woah, hold up there, my man, is this some sort of weird sex thing? Because I’m not doing this without being wined and dined.”

“Some sort of- _no_! I’m _married_ , god-”

“I’m sure the S.O is psyched about their living conditions, seems like a _great_ place for a honeymoon.”

Barry flinched. “No- that’s. She’s missing. That’s why we’re here- we were trying to find her. She was your sister-”

Taako frowned at him, a flicker of confusion passing over his face. “You wanna repeat yourself, bro? You’re kind of going fuzzy on me, there.”

“What?” Barry whispered, horrified. There was no recognition in Taako’s eyes, no horror - or even awareness - of what he had lost. “You- it’s _Lup_ , Taako, it’s your _twin_ -”

“Woah, dude, all I’m getting is static- what the hell’s a Lup?”

Barry could distantly feel the magic pouring off of him in waves, sparking and bursting along his form, which was becoming dangerously unraveled. “You don't know- you don't know her? _YOU CAN'T HEAR HER?_ ”

The room was vibrating slightly, now, and Taako shifted his position as if to try and get past Barry. “Well, I can't say it’s been good to meet you, but Taako’s gonna _scram-_ ”

Without thinking, Barry held up his hand and blasted his best friend, sending his body across the room until it hit the cave wall with a dull thump. Taako’s scream brought him back with a jolt, and Barry watched in horror as the light faded from his eyes.

“I’m sorry- I’m sorry, I’m sorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorry- I can’t- I _can't_ do this alone, Taako, oh god, _I’m so sorry-_ ”

* * *

 “Like I _said_ , I’m _fine_. I _get it_ , Barold, I would do the same thing- I wouldn’t feel that bad about it, even! So _chill_ , Taako’s good!”

“I killed you.” Barry says hollowly, for about the dozenth time. “Taako, I _killed you_. How the fuck could I _do_ that?”

“Oh my _god_ ” Taako replies, long-suffering. “Barold, _buddy_ , if you’ve forgotten somehow, _I killed you too_. We’ve _both_ killed each other before. It’s not exactly a goddamn novel phenomenon.”

“But I _asked_ you to, then, and you asked _me_.”

“For fuck’s sake.” Taako throws his hands up in exasperation. “Barold, shut the fuck up. I’m- I’m fuckin’ _grateful_ that you did it, okay? I don't _want_ to live without knowing about my sister, without knowing-”

He takes a ragged, unnecessary breath. “I remember what it was like, okay? And yeah, it wasn't _fun_ to be blasted by a glowing ghost, but _fuck_ , I didn't- I didn't know _magic_.” He laughs a little. “You know, I learned magic with Lup, _for_ Lup? Without her, I have nothing.”

He turns away from Barry, as if to protect himself. Sparks of violet and red are tearing away from his form, weaving around him in streams of light. He doesn’t look dangerous. He looks small, and lonely.

“I thought that Lup and magic were the two things that I could believe in,” he says, almost too softly to be heard. “but it turns out that I wouldn't even _have_ magic without her. Nothing but fuckin’ parlor tricks.”

“Taako,” Barry says, quiet. “You- we’ll find her. She isn’t gone.”

He can see Taako rebuilding the walls around himself, pulling himself together through sheer force of will. It’s so much easier to read him, when he doesn’t have a body to hide behind.

“I know,” Taako says, deliberately light. “Now, how d’you think we can get around the whole memory thing?”

* * *

 They talked for hours, but came to no concrete solutions. They didn't have enough knowledge about the Voidfish to determine the source of its powers, and therefore had no idea if it was possible to get around their ability. In the end, the best idea they had was one that Barry suggested, that they leave messages to themselves in a golden coin.

“It’s hardly a perfect solution, but I honestly can't think of anything better.” Barry admits, feeling bone-weary.

Taako nods. “You should go next- you’re less, uh-”

“Paranoid?”

“Well, I would say reasonably cautious, and also more kinky, but whatever- six of one and half a dozen of another, and all that.”

So they grew another body, a little less enthusiastically this time, and Barry recorded a message to himself using the golden recording coin.

“I guess I’m going to...go outside?” Taako says hesitantly, looking at the Barry-clone floating in the tube. “Like, I don't know how you'll react to the whole ‘waking up in a jar’ thing, but I’m pretty sure that having this gorgeous face floating in front of you won’t give you any clues- you’d just be confused _and_ horny.”

“Jesus Christ.” Barry squeaked. “Why, Taako.”

Taako opens his mouth to reply, but Barry was already leaping in. There were some things that weren't worth sticking around for.

  
  


Barry wakes up.

There’s a moment of panic, when he realises that, wherever he was, he’s submerged in some sort of liquid. He opens his mouth instinctively, trying in futile to get a breath, and it’s only then that he realises that he’s in a _fucking tube_.

He flails wildly, trying to get out, and must’ve hit something in his movements, because the next thing he knows is a bizarre blur of his surroundings and a dizzying sense of vertigo as the tube splits neatly, spilling him and its liquid contents onto the cavern floor. Barry manages to crawl to his knees without vomiting, holding his head in his hands and attempting to understand how the fuck he got here.

“Man, we have to fuckin’ do something about that goddamn slime shit,” he hears, so faintly that he thinks he might have imagined it. He staggers to his feet, still holding his head in his hands.

“Was I partying really hard or something?” he murmurs to himself, breathing in the slightly musty air. There’s a small sound in the cave, like someone snorting, or the wind.

He jerks as a small object hits his head, and blinks at the glittering coin that spins wildly and stills in front of him. After a short pause, he picks it up somewhat warily, startling as a familiar - yet _not_ \- voice rings out from the object.

It’s _his_ voice, but- wrong, somehow. Warped. “Ư͘͢h̶,̴̨ ͠h̡̡͟i͡. ͘M̴͢y͢͟-̵” the voice cuts off, then returns in a tone that more closely resembles his own. “Sorry. Um, your? Your name is Barry Bluejeans, your, uh, your father’s name was Gregor, and your mother’s name was Marleana. You - _wow, I have no idea what to say_ -”

There’s another fainter voice, unfamiliar in its unique cadence, interjecting. “ _Tell him something only you would know- or, I guess, tell_ you _something only you would know? Do you need some privacy? Because I’m gonna say that I already knew about your denim kinks, m’dude.”_

Barry feels himself flush to the tips of his ears, and the voice continues: “ _No, Taako-_ okay, um, you can’t...have dairy? And you can't swim, probably. Uh, I know this, because I’m you, which I guess is obvious at this point, and the reason you’re here is because you’re missing something- you’re missing something _vital_ , actually. Something - some _ones_ \- that has changed and shaped your life. And you need to follow my instructions if you want to get them back.”

As if on cue, a voice - warped in the same way that his voice from the stone was, except tenfold in its visceral reality - echoes throughout the cavernous walls. “A̢̕n͏͠d҉ ͞y̴o͏u’̛r̶͟͞e̛҉ ͏͢g͢o҉n̡̕͞ņ͞a̡̨ ̵͜n̛e͞e̷͞d ̶͜͞ş̴͝o̧͏̸m̢̧e̡͠ ̷͘ḩe̸͝lp w҉̵it͜h̨ ̸̸̛t͡͝h̵͜at, ͟h̵o̶͡m͘b͡͝re̶͡,̵̵̧ ̴s̸o̕͘ c̵̴o͟͝͡n͜s͘͏id̛͢ȩr͜͢ m͟ȩ̛͜ ̷͟͢y҉͞ơ̶ur̢͜ ̵̸s͘͞p̴̢͞ir̶̴i̧̢t ̨g̛ųi̡de̴̕ ̧f̷͝o͏̧r͏͡ ͞n҉o̢t͜͝ ̡͟f͢͜u̵̸̸c͞ki̶ng ͡sh̴̴͡i̢̡t ̷̷up.”

He lets out a small shriek before he can help himself, at the sight of the red-robed figure floating in front of him. Their elfin face is translucent and painted with swirls of glittering violet, something eldritch and void barely conceivable behind the bright facade. It’s hard to look at them, somehow, the edges their face blurring slightly into staticky fuzz.

The voice in the coin continues. “-I know he’s a bit, _much_ , but he’s your brother in all but blood, and you can and have trusted him with your life. His name-”

The figure plucks the coin from his hand, a faint spark of red flaring from his fingertips as he does so. The coin falls silent.

“You can call me Taako,” he says, eyes glowing fire-bright as they meet Barry’s own. “I’m the best goddamn transmutation wizard of, oh, let’s say most of the planar systems. And I’m looking for the same thing that you are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's time to get this party started
> 
> btw it's exam season so there probably won't be a chapter next week, rip


	4. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy 4/20, have some lich shenanigans

Taako told him about his - their? - mission slowly, considering each of his words with an excessive amount of deliberation.

“‘S for your own good, my man,” he says, when Barry asks about it. “See, I could just say-”

Then his voice- fuzzes out, breaking into static with only a few recognisable pieces in between. Barry blinks in bewilderment.

“Yeah, see? It’s all, uh, shit reception up here, so I gotta work around that. Anyways, first things first, we gotta find some folks that might know some more about our, ah, _situation_.”

The names he gives are completely alien to Barry, accompanied by descriptions that sometimes fizz into static before Taako gets himself on track.

“We should look for C̵̵̢͟͠a̴̡p͠'̶͜ņ̴͘͢p҉̢͘o̧͝r̷̛͟͞͡t̵͢͢- I mean, uh, Davenport first, I guess, or Lucretia. They’re the smartest when it comes to figuring out shit like this, and the most likely to know what the fuck’s happened.”

Barry nods hesitantly, not knowing who these people are but trusting Taako’s superior knowledge.

“So, uh, do you know where they are?”

Taako grins. “Not a _clue_.”

* * *

Davenport and Lucretia were impossible to find.

“What the _fuck_ , did they drop off the face of the earth, or something?” Taako growls, three months later. They were both in Barry’s hotel room, Taako floating around in annoyance. They were following dead end after dead end after dead end, each more impossible than the last.

On the bright side, they _did_ find some of their other supposed friends.

Barry found Merle Highchurch first, living among a beach dwarf community and, bizarrely (according to Taako, who looked at the dwarven courtship with undisguised horror) enough, engaged. He seemed to have the same memory loss that Barry did, looking blankly cordial at Barry’s introduction, and Taako seemed both relieved and horrified at the exchange.

“Fuckin' hell, Barold, you were right,” he had said to Barry, as they left the beach community. “Maybe none of them remember anything.”

Next was Magnus Burnsides, who they found after hearing news of a folk hero leading a charge against a tyrant oppressing Raven’s Roost.

“This is Maggie all over,” Taako said fondly, the both of them looking at a large, burly man and a broad, heavily-scarred woman talking in the midst of a small swarm of townspeople. “It figures that he’d become a, like, a fuckin’ folk hero even after losing all his memories. Guess that rustic charm of his finally became useful for something.”

“Don’t you want to...meet him?”

“It’ll take more than some smarmy dipshit to take down our Maggo,” Taako said. “And it looks like they’re pretty much got this covered. We have the others to find.”

After those two, though, it was like their well of luck had dried. Every lead came to nothing- there were no reports of pale-haired, dark-skinned human women constantly scribbling in her journals, nor ginger gnomes with a penchant for vehicles. And there were no reports of an elf wearing a crimson robe holding a magical umbrella.

Something else strange also seemed to occur to Taako, the more they followed the leads. Sometimes Barry would be talking to someone, Taako a silent, invisible presence behind him, and suddenly the air would still for a second, as if in surprise. Taako brushed it off whenever Barry brought it up, only saying that he was ‘working on a theory’.

The strange contemplation was, at least, better than the toll that their search seemed to have on him, the way that every dead end seemed to unravel him a little more. Barry knew about liches in theory - had been shocked to learn that Taako was one, even if he couldn’t hear how it happened - and he couldn't help but wonder when Taako would be led a step too far, becoming the dark spirit that his kind were logically supposed to become.

Barry himself felt exhausted, searching for people who he couldn’t remember, relying on the words of a dark spirit who seemed to know far more than he was letting on. Some days, the only things that kept him going were the promises of his other self, and the strange, gaping void that sometimes overwhelmed him. On those days, Taako would be beside him, murmuring nonsense words in elven that soothed him, somehow. Taako told him that it was something that Lup and him used to do, that Barry began to share in after he became part of their family.

It was things like this that convinced him, brief moments of vulnerability and intimacy that he somehow instinctively felt that Taako would’ve never allowed anyone else to see. He knew, from the way the elf treated him, that he was important, even if he didn't understand why. It wasn't much, but it was enough.

* * *

“You’re Bluejeans?”

Barry turns around from his place on the barstool, looking at the slight dragonborn lady in front of him. She cocks an eyebrow at him, and he nods in response. “They say you’re looking for a woman in a red robe.”

He stays silent. They’ve been doubling down on searching in recent months, going so far as to offer a reward for those who had any information. They didn't have the money, Barry had argued, and Taako only laughed and picked up a handful of pebbles and threw them into the air, bright sparks flying from his hands and catching the gold coins that manifested midair. After that, they’d had plenty of people eager to offer their insights, most of which came to nothing.

“I know this guy,” the woman continues. “He told me that his friend got a job escorting a woman to the Felicity Wilds, a lady with a red robe, who had some kind of a staff.”

He felt rather than heard Taako’s sharp intake. “Can you take us there?”

She cocks her head at him. “What can you give me?”

He sets a jangling bag on the table, and she shakes her head. “I’m not an idiot- I’ve heard the rumors. People who take gold from you tend to have it turn into stone in short notice. What can you _actually_ pay?”

Barry thinks rapidly, going over their resources. They had next to nothing, surviving mostly on gambles and grifts. Taako was a literal incorporeal lifeform, so it wasn't as if he needed any sustenance, and Barry wasn't particularly attached to anything beyond the clothes on his back.

He feels a shift in the air beside him, and something slip into his pocket.

“How about this?” He says, pulling the item out and placing it on the table between them. They both stare for a moment at the shining pieces of jewelry sitting on the table, golden necklaces studded with emeralds, ruby rings, glimmering broaches and cufflinks. The woman took a ring in her hand, considering it under the dim light of the dingy bar.

Barry glances at the air behind him, wondering who would be finding their handbags, their pockets, their fingers bare after Taako's fast thinking.

“Looks real enough,” she says, then, with narrowed eyes: “but if these turn into dirt or some shit after the job, I’m going to fucking hunt you down. You understand that, right? I’m a fucking bomb rogue, and I can and will track you to the _ends of the earth_.”

Barry nods a little shakily. “I don't doubt it. Uh, you can take a few now, and I'll give you the rest after you get us there.”

“Fair enough,” she reaches out a hand, and he takes it, shaking it firmly. “We’ve got a deal.”

As soon as she let go of his and, Barry slumped with relief. “Thank god.” He looks at her. “Um, sorry, but- I don't think I got your name?”

She smiles.

“You didn't. It’s Carey. Carey Fangbattle.”

* * *

 Carey wasn't kidding when she called herself a _bomb rogue_ , Barry found out. Both literally and figuratively.

“Um, Carey-?” he said, trying to peer past the smoke. “You know I’m not a rogue, right? I'm totally blind, here.”

There was the sound of a blade cutting through air, and the thump of flesh hitting the ground uncomfortably close to where he was standing. “Just sit tight, Bluejeans, while I take care of these guys.”

“Taako?” he hissed from the corner of his mouth.

“I'm doing my best, there ain't much that homeboy can do without Carey wondering what’s up- _shit_ -”

Taako’s answering whisper was cut off as he blasted a Scorching Ray through the fog, and Barry saw a brief glimpse of a charred figure, Carey’s “Thanks for the assist!” close behind.

A few more sounds of scuffling passed, and the smoke cleared to show Carey standing in front of him, hands on her hips. “Looks like those rumors about some nasty shit going on in these parts were true- these guys were talking about getting rid of the competition for Wonderland, whatever that means.”

Barry frowns. “Wonderland?”

She shrugs. “I've started hearing about it pretty recently- people claim that you can get anything you desire there, but nobody really knows where or what the fuck it really is.”

“Do you think that’s where Lucretia went?”

“Well, actually, I’m pretty positive.”

With a flourish, Carey pulls out what looks like a brightly colored flier, a photo of a pale-haired, dark-skinned woman pinned to it. Taako drew in a sharp breath.

“That’s her,” he whispers to Barry. Carey cranes her head, eyebrows furrowed.

“Huh?”

Barry blinks, making his eyes go wide. “What?”

“It sounds like- actually, nothing. Something weird about the wind in these parts, I guess. Is this the one you’re looking for?”

Barry nods, ignoring Taako’s quiet snickers, and Carey makes a sound of confusion.

“I picked this off of these guys- it had a picture of some kind of treasure chest on it, at first, but when I touched it this appeared instead. Do you think it’s some kind of magic?”

Barry could practically feel Taako’s desire to get his hands on the enchanted paper, to pick apart how it works. He was pretty tempted to try his hand at it, himself.

“That would be the logical conclusion,” He agrees. He takes the flier from her, and almost drops it as a bright light flashes from the page, a thin tendril of glittering pink light going from the picture to his chest, then branching off into the woods.

“Woah, that’s new.” Carey says, snatching the paper back. The same thing happens to her, and she actually _does_ duck out of the way instinctively, only to have the light follow her and attach itself anyways.

“O...kay, that just happened.” she mutters, holding the paper between pinched fingers. “This is getting weirder by the fucking minute. I deserve _all_ the gold for this.”

She looks towards the path of light. “Well, I guess it’s too late to back out now- I’m guessing we follow the light.”

With that, she starts walking forward, curiosity taking over the wariness that had been in her expression. She grins back at him. “Well, what are you waiting for? You want to find your friend, right?”

Barry feels a nudge on his shoulder, and takes a step.

* * *

 Wonderland feels like a hallucinogenic dream.

They see the gates at their arrival, their names emblazoned on top in bright lights: _‘Carey Fangbattle, Barry Bluejeans’_ . Beneath that, the word _LUCRETIA_ is spelled out, pale purple.

Carey looks at him, “I know we’re doing this, but I just wanted to say- this is a _terrible_ idea.”

“You don't have to come,” Barry tells her. She grins at him.

“Are you fucking kidding me? This is _great_ , I haven't done something this fucking buckwild in _forever_ .” she pats him on the shoulder. “And besides, you can't go in there alone- I know you’re some hotshot wizard or some shit, but you’re gonna _die_ if you go in there without backup.”

Barry feels a pang of guilt at not telling her about Taako, hovering over their shoulders and adding his magic into the mix, snarking in Barry’s ear the whole time, but he doesn't exactly know how to bring it up in casual conversation. At the very least, they definitely had an ace in the hole with Taako tagging along- especially since it seemed like whoever invited them had no idea of his existence.

Carey nudged the door, and it swung open easily, revealing a dark hallway. “Man, this is gonna _rock_.”

* * *

 There’s something about the elves hosting Wonderland that makes Taako go quiet, which is in some ways a blessing. Barry can only pass his comments off as a nervous habit - using another accent - for so long. Carey never seems to really believe it, but he’s pretty sure she just thinks it’s a wizard thing, leaving it be for now.

“These two are liches. I’mma go radio silent,” he had said as they walked in. “This place is wonky, and I need to find out what makes it tick, preferably _yesterday_.”

He’d patted Barry on the back, then, making him stumble slightly and causing Carey to turn towards him in mild exasperation. “Try not to die, but don't worry too much if you do- you’ll get better.”

There was a pause, then: “Don't let Carey die, though, we owe her a solid, and she’s the only one that would actually be worse off if she dies.”

Barry choked, and Carey frowned at him. “You okay? You’re talking to yourself agai-”

And that’s when the music started.

Both Carey and Barry were clapping by the end of their host's performance, dumbfounded but impressed nonetheless.

“Thank you, thank you!” One of them says, looking delighted at the reception. “It’s always lovely to have such lovely reactions. My name is Edward-”

“-and I’m Lydia-” the other elf says.

“-and we’re going to be your hosts in Wonderland!” they finish in unison, arms outstretched.

Carey and Barry share a glance, then Barry says hesitantly: “Um, sorry, but what _is_ Wonderland, exactly?”

“Oh, yes, I forgot, you two are quite the _unexpected_ guests!” Lydia gushes, “ _Very_ impressive, the trick with those hooligans- saved us another boring game! _Your_ prize seems _much_ more interesting.”

“Wonderland is a place where you can have anything you desire- if you win, of course,” Edward takes over, leaning in closer. “It’s a game to see how _much_ you want your prize, and what you’re willing to do to get it! It’s nothing complicated, really- a few games, a choice or two, and _voila_ , your prize!”

“Okay, I’m liking the prize part- the whole ‘what you’re willing to do’ thing, though? Sounds pre _tty_ ominous.”

As she speaks, a thin tendril of black smoke comes out of her mouth. Both she and Barry stare as it disappears into the air.

“Uh, what the fuck?”

“It’s not too bad, really,” Lydia simpers, ignoring them. “Honestly, if you _really_ want your prize, you’ll find this almost _too_ easy!”

Carey stares at the space where her smoke had dissipated, then at Lydia, unblinking. “Sounds like a lie, but okay.”

Another tendril. Lydia’s smile grows wider. “Well, it’s pointless to sit here and talk about Wonderland- now that you’re here, the only way to get a _true_ experience is to go through it yourself.”

The two of them snap their fingers in unison, disappearing in a swirl of lights and leaving Carey and Barry alone in the dark space for a second. The two of them move down the path the elves came down in, walking through the door to find another garishly-colored room, this one housing a giant wheel painted with multiple signs. There is a flash of light, and Edward and Lydia appear on top of the wheel, looking delighted to see them.

“Are you ready for your first round here at Wonderland?” Lydia asks. Edward laughs.

“Not that it matters, because it’s your turn to spin the _Wheel of Sacrifice_!”

The wheel lights up, the different symbols flashing ominously. Barry feels a pang of dread, looking at them.

“Uh, no?” Barry offers weakly. The liches laugh.

“That’s _darling_ , Barold, but it’s quite out of your hands now!” Edward informs him. “Of course, if the sacrifice is too great for you, you could always have your friend take the first spin.”

Before Carey can answer, Barry takes a step towards the wheel. What the hell, if Taako and other!him were right, then he had a lot less to lose than Carey did.

“How brave!” Lydia commends him, clapping her hands together. “Well? Go on, take a spin!”

Barry does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey carey, sorry for putting you together w these fools
> 
> hit me up on [tumblr](http://tweetsongs.tumblr.com)


	5. IIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry that this took so long. and im also sorry that future chapters will also take a significant amount of time, because im taking a full course load for the summer term and it is Kicking My Ass.
> 
> this is unedited, because fuck my life.
> 
> anyways, welcome to wonderland.

“Let’s not start too strong- we wouldn’t want you out of commission this early, after all!” Lydia laughs, looking at the giant, stylised eye that Barry’s spin stopped on.

Edward taps his chin in consideration. “How about this? You will have to give up colored vision! That isn’t so bad, is it?”

Barry hesitated, and Lydia smiles predatorily at him. “Of course, if that’s too high a price, you _could_ forfeit it- for the price of an extra spin, of course.”

“No, it’s fine,” Barry says. “I was just wondering how-”

He doesn't even feel anything as his world is reduced to greyscale, the bright colors of the room now rendered in shades of black and white. He blinks.

“...how, you did that.” He finishes lamely. “Huh, that’s interesting. Is it some kind of illusory magic? Or does it actually affect my nerves? I mean-”

“Sorry, Barry, but I still have no idea what the fuck happened to you.”

“Uh, I’m colorblind now, I guess?”

Edward and Lydia glance at each other, clearly not expecting this blase response. Carey, on the other hand, looks far more disturbed.

“You’re _what_ ?” she demands. “What the _fuck_ is wrong with this place?”

As she speaks, another wisp of smoke escapes her mouth, and she glares at that. “And what’s with the smoke bullshit? I’m pissed, but not exactly breathing fire right now.”

More smoke comes out, and the two elven liches grin.

“Now, Carey, this only shows how much Barry is willing to give to get his prize! Now, let’s see how far _you’ll_ go!”

“Let me think, what about _this_?” Carey retorts, and roars a column of fire. As it hits the wheel, it dissipates into smoke, rematerializing after the fire goes out without so much as a singe.

“Now, now, that was rude!” Edward says, still smiling. “We’ll let it off this time, since it’s just your first round, but you don't want to play a punishment game, do you?”

Carey shrugs - “Worth a try” - and goes up to the wheel, spinning it.

It lands on the Backpack, and the twins look a little disappointed. “Well, aren't you two lucky. All _you_ have to do is give up something that is worth a sacrifice- think hard, though, if it isn’t good enough, you’ll have to do it all over again!”

Carey glowers at them, before rummaging through her bag. “Do you take gold?”

“Oh, sweetheart, we don't care about things like money!” Lydia informs her. “What _we_ want is something of a more...sentimental value.”

Carey opens her mouth, snarling, and Barry puts a hand on her shoulder. “Don't. It’s what they want.”

He tilts his head, and meets her stare levelly. She nods.

“Fine, whatever.”

She reaches into the bag on her hip, rummaging around and eventually pulling out a worn book, the cover emblazoned with a scantily-clad dwarf woman cradled in the embrace of a broad dragonborn lady. Barry stares at the cover, and Carey blushes a little.

“Shut up. It’s a good series- I read it for the plot.” She places it on the pedestal. “I’ve had it since I was a teenager. This sentimental enough for you, assholes?”

The two giggle, and the book vanishes. “It’s _something_ , alright. But you’re going to have to give a little more than a book,” Lydia smiles beautifically. “What about that earring?”

Carey’s hand goes to her ear defensively, touching the simple engraved ring dotted with a small jewel- “No fucking way.”

“Of course, if you’re _that_ opposed, we could always do another round. Maybe Barry would like to take another spin, see what kind of luck he gets!”

A small flame puffs out as Carey growls in annoyance, but she takes off her earring, placing it on the pedestal and watching it disappear. “That was my favourite earring,” she informs Barry. “And a gift from my ex-girlfriend. You owe me.”

“Uh, I’ll pay you back?” Barry says sheepishly, as the wheel fades away in smoke.

“Congratulations on passing your first round! I hope you’re excited for the next round!”

The room shifts around them, dimming into shadows before blindingly grey and white lights begin to flash above a platform, a screen with 8-bit versions of both their faces emblazoned on it. Two buttons lit up on the platform, reading _TRUST_ and _FORSAKE_ respectively. Edward and Lydia were not in the room. Instead, their voices rang out through the space from every direction.

“Now, this game is pretty simple- you and another team in Wonderland have both been presented with these two buttons, and you will both have to choose whether to trust or forsake the other team. If you both choose trust, you will both go through the next round of the game. If you both choose forsake, you will also have to go through another round- only, it’s going to be a little...tougher. If you choose trust and they choose forsake, only you will go through the more interesting version of the next game. But if you choose forsake and _they_ choose trust- you’ll be able to skip the next round!” A light laugh. “Simple enough, isn't it? Now, let’s see who will make the choice!”

Their faces begin to flash sequentially, and Barry feels a pressure on his hand. Concentrating, he realises that it’s a word, being traced over and over on his palm.

_LUCRETIA_

He winces, and Carey says: “We can't- we have to forsake, right? The kinds of people that come here- they’ll _definitely_ forsake us. And I don't want to know what their idea of a ‘tougher’ challenge is.”

“But- Lucretia’s here. What if she’s the other team here?”

Carey frowns at him. “What if she’s _not_ ? I told you that I’m getting you through this - and I am - but I’m not about to give up all my shit and _die_ in this place. That’s just stupid.” Another wisp of smoke.

“But we don't even know what the challenge _is_ \- it might not even be that bad!” taking a chance, Barry continues: “And besides, you’ve noticed the smoke, right? It comes out whenever we’re being negative about this place. So it would probably be better for us to, um, stay positive? I think?”

The lights settle on Barry, and Carey looks at him. “Fine. I guess it’d also be pretty pointless if I got you through this thing and your friend was dead.”

“I mean, yeah.” Barry says, relieved, and steps up onto the platform to press the _TRUST_ button.

The screen with their faces on it turns dark, before words began appearing across it.

_You Chose: Trust_

_They Chose: Trust_

“Well,” Carey said, as the room dissolves around them. “I guess it could be worse.”

* * *

 

“Why the fuck did you roll _acid_?” Carey demands as she rolls out of the way, a splash of acid splashing on the spot where she had just vacated and eating a hole through the floor.

“It wasn't on purpose!” Barry protests, shooting off a flash of light from his open palm and blinding the basilisk, a few Magic Missiles following behind. That was the good thing about Barry- as clumsy as he was, he was undeniably talented at magic, and had the fastest reflexes of any magic-user that Carey had ever met. The serpent rears back, emitting a sound between a hiss and a wet gurgle. Carey takes advantage of its disorientation and ducks under its belly, pulling out a thin dagger and stabbing its stomach while running, pulling the blade behind her and splitting it open from neck to tail. It shoots out another stream of acid, which misses Carey. Almost immediately after, though, she hears a shout of pain, and turns to find Barry clutching his knee, a melted patch in his jeans revealing bubbling, reddened skin.

“Oh, shit- you okay?” Carey runs over to him, leaving the monster’s corpse to fall onto the ground and dissolve into smoke. She doesn't exactly feel great, herself- the gash that she’d gotten when the creature’s fang had gotten her temple still blurring her vision with blood, and she’s pretty sure that the both of them would be covered with bruises from the times that they’d been thrown around by the thing’s tail. But Carey was more used to this kind of thing, where Barry seemed like he’s about as used to battle as her infant niece.

“Not, not really?” Barry replies, staggering to his feet and leaning on Carey’s body. “I can...walk, maybe, but I don't think I can fight another one of those.”

“You and me both,” Carey concurs, shooting a glare at the ceiling. “Do we have time for a short break? I could do with a shot of HP.”

“Now, what fun would _that_ be?” a voice rings out through the room, causing them both to jerk with a start. Carey’s eyes narrow as the voice continues: “After all, don't you want to win your prize? There’s only a few more rounds to go, after all!”

Carey glances over at Barry, who looks dazed and disoriented. _She_ didn't have any stake in this thing, beyond her promise- but Barry did, and it was her job, for now at least, to protect him. Of course, he won’t be having any stakes in anything, if they go through another battle like the last. The dead had no obligations, after all.

Barry jerks abruptly under her touch, and she frowns at him. He’s doing that thing again, where he drifts off, lost in his own world. She couldn't say if it was a magic thing, or a Barry thing, but there was no doubt that there was something _up_ with him. The ‘talking to himself’ in a completely different voice, the weirdly strong magic, moments like this, when he seems to disappear into his mind - in any other situation, Carey would be sprinting the other way.

But Barry didn't set off any of the usual alarm bells that Carey was used to hearing when she’s in danger, and she’s _very good_ at detecting alarm bells. He clearly wants to find his friend - and somehow _without_ giving off any stalkery vibes - and was so... _helpless_ , sometimes. Carey couldn’t bring herself to be scared of him.

Either way, there’s no point in being wary now- for all intents and purposes, they’re stuck with each other until they get out of here. She can’t afford to distrust him.

The room starts to shift around them in a familiar way, and she groans in despair as the giant _fucking_ wheel of fortune appears in front of them again.

“Not _this shit_ again,” she complains, another wisp of smoke coming out of her lips. At this point, she’s not sure if this is their weird magic thing, or if she’s genuinely pissed enough to breathe smoke. Probably both. “Is this how this goes? We do the same fucking things over and over until we kneel over? I can't imagine you’re getting great reviews on Fantasy Yelp.”

Barry slashes his hand across his neck in a deterrent motion rapidly, looking panicked. Carey rolls her eyes at him, but tries to hold her tongue.

“Not…quite.” Edward and Lydia’s voices are still echoes in the air, the two of them not materialising as they had before. “What fun would _that_ be? No- in this round, we’ll be...raising the stakes somewhat, so to speak. After all, what’s the point of a game that doesn't level up?”

“Uh, how about _no_?” Carey says, plopping down on the floor, pulling Barry down with her gently. Another wisp, and she purses her lips. “Like, how ‘bout we just take a short rest here? Gotta get back those sweet HP, right?”

Barry looks at her, looking a little nervous, but then leans in gingerly towards her shoulder, carefully arranging himself into a comfortable seat beside her.

“Maybe give us fifteen?” he offers. “There are other teams, right? So you can visit them first instead. I think, I think I need a nap.”

“Now, that won’t do.” Lydia’s voice sharpens under its joviality, and Carey surreptitiously reaches for the daggers at her hip, ready for- _something_. “It’s time for your spin, sweethearts- there’s no healing in Wonderland.”

“Unless you don't want your prize?” Edward coos, displeasure a thin thread beneath his words. “It would be such a shame if you’re only willing to go this far to get what you want.”

Barry and Carey glance at each other, but neither move. A loud sigh emits in the space: “Fine, but know that this is only happening because you won’t follow the rules.”

The wheel begins to move- slowly at first, then picking up in speed. “If neither of you want to take your turns, then we’ll just have to play a different kind of game!”

Carey scrambles up at the venom in Lydia’s voice, hefting Barry’s weight at her side and getting ready to run- where, she has no idea, but anything’s better than staying _here_. Barry stiffens by her side, the hand not braced on her shoulder beginning to glow with the now familiar sight of a prepared spell. Hopefully, it would be enough.

The wheel blurs in front of them, then slows, stops. A brain.

“Oh, this one is _interesting_.” Edward coos, sounding perfectly composed once more. “You see, for this, all you have to do is give up a part of your mind! Now, most people give us a memory, but we’re not picky- a language you learned? Some processing skills? As long as it’s a worthy trade, we’ll take it!”

“Now, since neither of you _technically_ spun the wheel, we’re going to play this a little differently!” Lydia continues. “Either one of you can volunteer to give something up for this round, or...”

The room shifts slightly around them, flickering into shadow and back again.

“Or, we can just take something from both of you!”

Carey can feel Barry try to take a step forward and- _no_ , that’s not on. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Look, you didn’t ask for any of this- it’s my prize, it’s only right that I do this.”

“Uh, no? What the fuck? I- okay, I’m not giving them another goddamn thing, prize or not. Look, wherever your friend is, she got herself into this. You don't have to keep doing this! Look at yourself, do you think we can last another round? Don’t answer that question- no, we can’t. We’ll die if we stay here. We have a better chance of finding your friend if we fucking get _out_ , with minimal injuries, and wait for _her_ to find whatever the hell she came into this place to find!”

“Lovely thought, but, unfortunately, you can't resign from Wonderland.” Edward informs them, and Barry jolts in surprise beside her, obviously forgetting about his existence. “When you came in here, you made a promise to be our guest until you won or lost- it would be terribly rude for you to go back on that now, wouldn’t you agree?”

“I-” Carey cuts herself off. “We never signed anything.”

 _Asshole_ , she thinks at him pointedly.

“We’d like to think of it as an _implicit_ contract,” Lydia says, and the room shifts again- this time, into the familiar sight of the room they were just in. “Now, you could follow the rules, or we could make a little bet.”

The sound of snapping fingers, and a hulking porcupine stood before them, each spike glistening with some unidentifiable liquid. It stood perfectly still, frozen in time.

“If the two of you manage to survive another round with our little creations, we’ll let you off, no strings attached! If you don’t- well, it won’t matter much, then, will it?”

“Now, Lydia, isn’t that being unfair? The other team agreed to take their spins, after all.”

A hum. “I suppose you’re right, Edward. How about we even the stakes a little?”

Another snap, and a giant grasshopper appears beside the porcupine, each of its limbs posed to pounce.

“Now we have one for each of you! Each monster will count as one of your rounds, and each of you will be responsible for one monster. Of course, that means that each of you must kill your own monster. If you don’t, we can always roll some more monsters, until you learn what ‘fair play’ means.”

“Have _you_ heard of fair play?” Carey demands. “Are you fuckin’ insane? Barry can’t even stand on his own goddamn feet!”

“Maybe you should’ve thought about that, before you refused to play by the rules.” was the only, cool answer.

Barry looks blankly at the creatures in front of him. “Can I...take the wheel?”

“Too late.”

A flash of light, and the two creatures dove towards Carey, who tenses to dodge, and Barry, who throws his hand out in front of him and blasts a Scorching Ray towards the grasshopper. Then-

As his Scorching Ray flies across the room, Carey feels a slight breeze blow by her ears, and sees the wind grow stronger and stronger as it centers on the two creatures, feeding Barry’s eager fire and creating a whirlwind of flame around the two animals, causing heat and the smell of burnt meat to suffuse the room as the animals cry out in pain, every inch of them glowing red-hot before flaring in being engulfed in blindingly brilliant flames and reducing to ash.

Carey and Barry stare at the ashes left behind in slack-jawed silence.

“Holy _shit._ ” Carey whispers. “Where the hell did _that_ come from?”

“Well, well, well.” Lydia’s voice sounds more sonorous, somehow, echoing loudly in the destroyed room. “It seems that you brought a little _rat_ here with you.”

And then- there’s someone _there_ . Cloaked in a crimson robe, floating above the ashes of the vanquished creatures, streams of violet and red electricity streaming across their body. Carey processes, blurts out: “Who the fuck are _you_?”

The being turns back, glittering and eldritch and smirking. The room begins to shift around them, parts of it dissolving into shadow and reforming, as if struggling to keep itself together. Then, a door appears.

It cracks open a sliver, then more. A man with unruly hair and a missing arm, sleeve tied at the shoulder, steps into the room, behind him a woman- tall, dark-skinned and silver-haired, leaning heavily against a wooden staff.

For a moment, silence falls across the room.

Then, several voices ring out at once.

Edward: “How the _hell_ -”

“Who are _you_?” - the scarred man.

And, in a tremulous voice-

“ _Taako_?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love lucretia


	6. V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit 103 kudos i think im hyperventilating.
> 
> also fyi i do read all the comments, just not directly. i get a friend to read them for me bc i get too stressed about reading them myself, so when i don't reply it's bc im too socially anxious to tell y'all about how much i appreciate every single comment.
> 
> and now, at last, the end of wonderland (mostly)

“Luce,” Taako says, strangely...panicked? “What the fuck happened to you? You look- I know humans age quick, but this is fuckin’  _ ridiculous _ !”

“What? Oh- no,” the woman smooths her hands over the front of her robe, suddenly looking years younger. “This- I spun time; I lost ten years- Taako, I thought you were  _ gone _ !”

“Well, we all thought a lot of shit, evidently.” Taako turns back to the elven twins. “And we’re, we're gonna have to talk about you apparently still knowing who I am. But first, wanna help me take care of these chucklefucks? There’s only room for  _ one _ pair of high-fashion elf twins on this system, baby, and me n’ Lu have got that spot covered.”

“I am,” Edward said, enunciating each word with deliberate fury, “ _ sick _ , of people  _ breaking the rules _ . Clearly you people need a little lesson in integrity.”

With that, the room shifts again, and Barry finds himself standing on smooth wood instead of tiles, velvet curtains hanging from the ceilings surrounding the stage that they were now standing on. Behind them there came the sound of shifting. Barry turns towards the source of the sound, and realises with a jolt of horror that the audience section of the stage was occupied by mannequins. And they were  _ moving _ .

“The ̴͜͞͝A̡̛̕͡͞ņ͜i̶͜m̨͢͝͞u̸͞s͜͟ ̨͞҉B̢̕͡eļ͢͞͞l̴̷,” Lucretia breathes. Taako glances at her. “It’s why I came.”

“I thought it’d be something like that. Man, Luce, you couldn’t have gotten someone more like Maggie to come with you? This dude doesn't seem like much of an upgrade- no offense, dude.”

“Hey!” The man protests, then: “And how come  _ you _ can understand the static? Is it like, some magic shit, or something?”

Taako only turns to him, then Lucretia, in pointed disbelief. “ _ Magic shit _ ? This is the guy you’re going with?”

“Okay, as much as I would  _ love  _ to get some answers, I think that-” Carey glances at Barry, then at the moving mob, then- “Do you think you can stay alive if I leave you here? Shoot off some Magic Missiles or something?”

The woman - Lucretia - notices him then, and draws in a sharp inhale. “ _ Barry _ ?”

“Oh, that’s convenient,” Carey points at her. “You, Barry’s friend, want to give me a hand and make sure that this idiot doesn’t snuff it? I mean,  _ you _ ’re the reason we came in the first place, after all.”

“I’m-  _ what _ ?” Lucretia shakes her head, gathering herself. “Right, okay. Yes, I-”

“Don’t care! Good enough!” Carey leaves Barry with a pat on the shoulder and leaps onto a mannequin that had just managed to climb onto the stage. “We’re gonna talk about the invisible friend thing later- for now, don’t di _ e! _ ”

The last syllable of her words jolts as she hooks her legs behind the mannequin’s head, doing a complicated maneuver that ends with it falling backwards and her using its shoulders as a jumping board to flip off of, drawing her knives in midair.

“It would be nice to get some  _ help _ , Jolly Rogers!” She calls behind her, and the one-armed man blinks, hesitates, before drawing a wand.

“I guess this is what I’m doing,” he sighs, and shouts “ _ Watch out! _ ” before casting a Scorching Ray. 

Lucretia is beside Barry now, holding her staff aloft. “God, Barry, you have no idea how glad I am that you’re alive- well, I know you’d be okay, since death’s not, uh, an issue for you, but you know what I mean.”

“Uh, same?” Barry says, a little awkwardly. “Maybe we can catch up after we, uh, kick these guys’ asses?”

Lucretia turns back to him and grins, and it fills Barry with a strangely familiar affection. Then, she points her staff upwards, Where Taako and the liches are engaged in battle.

“Heads up!” she calls, before firing off a Ray of Frost towards Edward, whose hand was bright with a prepared spell. He yelps as the spell hits him, dispersing his magic and toppling him backwards. Lydia lets out a yell and turns towards him, leaving an opening for Taako, who points at her and shoots off a ball of fire, knocking her backwards as well. Barry shifts to cover her, shooting Acid Arrows and Magic Missiles towards the mannequins that escape Carey and the other man’s attacks.

Above them, the Wonderland liches gain their bearings, but not before Taako brings his hands together, the walls surrounding them dissolving temporarily into curls of shadow, flickering their surroundings into darkness intermittently. He grins.

“How are you  _ doing _ this?” Lydia demands, looking strained. The twin elves raise their arms into the air, and their surroundings settle temporarily before flickering again, inciting a expression of fury on the two of them.

“Taako’s M҉͏̡a̡̡̛͢gi͞͞c̢͢͞ ̷̷̷̨͟N̷̡͠͡͏A̵̢͢͡S̛͢҉̷̸Ą̶͜͝, baby, and a  _ lich _ . D’you really think that cha’boy can’t control a bit of necromantic energy?”

With that, the curtains at the sides of the room begin to move of their own volitions, shooting past Barry and Lucretia and up at Edward and Lydia, rippling and changing as they moved, shifting into tubelike creatures, scales growing along their forms. The two snake heads open their mouths, revealing sharp fangs, and bites at the twin liches. Lydia twists aside, the fang barely catching on the fabric and tearing it into smoke. Edward, however, was not so lucky. A fang pierces him in the side, causing him to cry out with pain.

Lydia yells in fury, flying towards her brother- before she gets there, though, something else does.

Edward screams as a bright ray of light hits him, coating every inch of him in pure light so harsh that even the mannequins stop to stare. When it dissipates, Edward simply...isn’t, anymore.

Beside Barry, Lucretia lowers her staff. Lydia turns to her slowly, something vast and unidentifiable in her gaze. Lucretia meets her stare evenly.

“Liches get stitches, dipshit.”

Taako’s visage twists in a grin, but before he can speak, Lydia’s form starts to- shift. Sparks of black electricity surround her as she turns back to the spot where her brother had been, growing more and more violent as she comes apart. She looks a little surprised.

“Oh,” she whispers, almost too quietly to hear. “ I guess- I guess we still needed each other, after all.”

Then she points a finger at Lucretia, and blows apart.

Barry reacts without conscious thought, his mind registering the blast of energy- his body moving towards her- his arms pushing her aside- a sharp burst of pain in his side-

There’s something about dying- it feels almost familiar.

* * *

When he comes to again, he is floating above soil rather than wooded ground. 

“-are  _ you _ , and how the fuck do you know- what the  _ hell _ ?”

Barry sees Carey staring at him, eyes wild and furious. He looks down at where his body should’ve been, now only a spot of slightly singed grass, and floats away from it a little sheepishly.

“Uh, hi?”

Carey opens her mouth, closes it again. She screws her eyes shut, bringing her palms together in a prayer position and taking a deep, deliberate breath.

“Okay, let me think.” she starts. “Because there is  _ so much _ . So much! That I need to say.”

A beat. “Okay- so, first. Barry? What the  _ fuck _ .”

“Actually, I’d like to know that myself.” the man says, crossing his arms over his chest. “First this guy-” - he gestures towards Taako, who looks supremely amused - “- and  then you? And both of you know Lucretia somehow?”

“Cam- please-” Lucretia starts, but he cuts her off.

“No, Lucretia. I agreed to escort you here because you said that you couldn't do this alone- well, apparently you  _ weren't  _ alone. More than that- apparently you had two  _ lich _ friends? Did you not think this was something I needed to know?”

Barry and Taako glance at each other, and Taako says: “Alone?”

“Lucretia, what happened? Taako and I- we  _ forgot Lup _ . And then the Starblaster was gone? We’ve been looking for you guys for  _ months _ !”

“Barry, I- I swear, I looked for you too, but I found-”

She chokes on a sob, a hand coming to her face as she curls in on herself, looking impossibly young despite the faint beginnings of lines that have formed on her face, a parting gift from Wonderland. Barry softens despite himself, looking at the girl who’s been family to him for over a century. 

“Oh, Lucretia, you found the bodies?”

Taako, similarly, is softer with his next words.

“C’mon, Luce,” he cajoles, floating over to her. “Y’know that death ain’t anything to Taako- didn't you see my badass pose?”

“I know-” she sobs out a little giggle. “I just- it might’ve been your last chance, if you lost your bodies this time, there’s no coming back.”

“Please, don't underestimate us. We’re IPRE- we could build some meatsacks in our  _ sleep _ .”

“Sorry to interrupt this touching, surprisingly static-filled reunion- but, uh, did you just say that you  _ built meatsacks _ ?” Carey demands, eliciting jerks from surprise from all three of them, who’d all forgotten that they weren't alone. “Did I take a job from a  _ meatsack _ ?”

“It’s...a long story.” Barry hedges, wincing as she narrows her eyes at him.

“Yeah, no. I would like to know that the fuck is up- now, preferably.”

“I was looking for something in Wonderland- the thing that Edward and Lydia were using to create their...games.” Lucretia says, drawing herself up and together. Suddenly, the age that newly lines her face suits her, lending her an air of gravitas that she didn’t quite have before. “I was wary of going alone - reasonably, as it turns out - so I employed Cam to help me through Wonderland. Suffice to say that I was not aware that Barry and Taako were- available.”

She turns to Cam. “I apologise for getting you into this- I swear that I didn’t know how rigorous our trials would be. I never intended to harm you.”

Cam bites his lip, looks away. Lucretia sighs.

“Anyways, we have what we came for- Taako?”

Taako reaches into his robes, and pulls out a familiar bell. “I have to ask- Luce, any reason why you wanted this so bad.”

His eyes narrow. “Especially since you already have your staff, instead of locking it up somewhere like you said you would?”

Lucretia’s eyes flicker away from Taako’s guiltily. Barry opens her mouth, but then is distracted by- “Woah, Carey!”

His arm spark slightly with energy where he touches her, and the small shock seems to raise her from her reverie. “Holy shit, what was  _ that _ ? It was like- I just  _ really wanted it _ , man- I don't even  _ do _ magic!”

“Yeah, it has that effect,” Taako says, tucking the bell back into his robes. “More importantly- we’re leaving this godforsaken shitdump, and you’re going to tell us  _ everything _ .”

Just then, the air shifts, and a Lucretia cries out a word of warning as a blade comes falling towards Taako. He swerves around, and the blade catches on his robes impossibly, tearing them with a shower of violet sparks and catching at the energy from within. Taako lets out a surprised gasp, flying backwards as his hand comes out to clutch at the tear.

“You're no' leavin’ quite ye’, I’m afraid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apparently im physically incapable of not introducing my favorite characters, hey krav, 'sup.
> 
> im also on [tumblr](http://tweetsongs.tumblr.com)


	7. VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: i should wait until midterm season is over before i start writing for this fic.
> 
> me, half an hour later: who needs plato when you have kravitz, amirite?

The five of them shift to face the new figure, who swings their scythe around with practiced ease.

“Another one of you?” Carey groans. “Are robes like, a  _ thing _ now, or something?”

“I don’ appreciate the insinuation ‘ere. I’m sure as 'ell no' wi'h  _ these _ guys.” the figure raises their head, revealing sharp skullbone. Unlike Barry and Taako, there is no mirage of skin over the bone, no attempt to emulate even a semblance of life. “You see, ‘hat’s the problem. These boys are bein’ very rude, breakin’ the laws of life an’ death, an' wunnot. I’m ‘ere to take ‘em to where lawbreakers go, that’s all.”

“Shit.” Barry hisses. “The Raven Queen’s emissary.”

“The  _ Grim Reaper _ ?” Cam yelps, taking a step backwards. Carey glances at the knives in her hands consideringly, as if wondering whether or not they’ll be effective against a literal harbinger of death.

“Don’ worry, you all aren’ in my list- i’s jus'  _ these two _ .” He sweeps his eyes over them, then- catches on Lucretia. “Huh, or not.”

A small book appears in his other hand, and he flips it open and looks inside it. “Lucretia, death coun’: 6. Now, ‘ah did you manage  _ that _ ? It’s impressive enough tha’ I couldn’ find these two liches until now, bu’  _ you _ , 'oo?”

He twirls his scythe around again, catching it in both hands as his book dissipates into smoke. “Looks like you’re comin’ wi'h me, too.”

He brings his arms down in a arch, the gleam of his blade swinging through the air. Barry’s arm flings out, already starting a spell, and Lucretia brings her staff forwards-

And the scythe stops midair, caught in a dark, writhing form.

“Not so fast, thug, ‘cos you’re gonna be cast in some good ol’ fashioned tent porn, courtesy of cha’boy.”

Five pairs of eyes turn towards Taako, a hand pointing at the figure as he grins sharply. From the ground, more tentacles are sprouting around the  _ fucking Grim Reaper _ , catching him in their grasp. Barry can hear Carey muffling her snickers from behind him. He himself is too dumbfounded to respond.

Taako has no such compunctions, raising a languid eyebrow and smirking at the skeletal man. “Looking good, my dude. Wanna give Taako a name to credit you with? For the  _ tentacle porn _ you’re about to star in? Or should I just call you Bone-man?”

He snickers. “Heh,  _ bone _ .”

“I-” the Reaper struggles to get out, somehow giving off the impression of blushing as more and more tentacles wrap around his body. One of them caresses him, and he makes a choking noise. “It’s  _ Kravitz _ , what-”

He doesn’t have an Cockney accent anymore, strangely enough. Still looking flustered, he brings a bony hand up from where it had been caught in the tentacles, and several earthen figures sprout from the ground.They grow until they’re roughly three times Barry’s size before moving towards them menacingly, eyes glowing scarlet, and roars before bringing their giant fists down towards them.

Cam shouts in fear and scrambles away, only the sleeve of his shirt getting caught in the elemental’s fist. Carey jumps towards the foliage and melts into the shadows, hiding from her opponents. Lucretia waves her staff, and a shimmering shield appears over her, stopping the fist mid-movement. Taako huffs out a pained groan as he’s caught by the elemental’s hand, pushing him down so quickly that his robes fly up at the movement, pinning him to the ground with enough force to dig him into the earth. His spell dissipates at the impact, allowing Kravitz to fly free after one last, lingering caress from a tentacle.

Barry casts planar binding, which hits the elemental aiming for him- and then rolls off of them harmlessly. He winces and attempts to dodge, barely getting out of the way in time.

“Now, now, gen'lemen, 'his doesn' 'ave 'o be as 'ard as you’re makin it! all you 'ave 'o do is come wi'h me into the astral plane obedien'ly, an' we won’t 'ave 'o go through all 'his 'rouble. I  _ promise _ , 'he stockade isn’t as bad as it sounds! i’s qui'e nice 'ere, 'o be honest.”

“What’s...with...the...magic accent?” Taako gasps out, stilled pinned down from his place on the ground. He sounds out of breath, despite technically not needing air. Kravitz’s eyes slide over to him, and he-  _ blushes _ ?

“It’s a-” at Taako’s look, the accent disappears, Kravitz looking almost sheepish as the continues in a clear, deep voice. “It’s a work accent- how I lure my prey, so to speak,” 

“Got...to say, ‘s not...working too well for you, my dude.”

Lucretia points her staff, and an elemental shatters under her spell. “Please- I swear, we have a good explanation for this-”

Kravitz just brings up another hand, and even more elementals grow from the ground under his command. “Not interested.”

The elementals straighten, eyes coming to life- but this time, they’re a bright gold, and when they extend their limbs, they swing their arms at all of them. Including Kravitz.

“What-” Kravitz begins, before he’s swung backwards.

Lucretia inhales sharply. “Cam!”

Barry turns around to see Cam standing at the edge of the woods, the Animus Bell in his hand. “Oh god- Cam, you have to put that down.”

“How the hell-” Taako swears from his place on the ground, the creature pinning him pushing him down further, eyes changing from red to gold. “The goddamned golem.”

He looks at Cam. “Look, dude, trust me when I say you  _ do not want  _ this. You’re under a thrall.”

Cam stares at all of them, eyes slightly glazed. “I don’t want to die. I won’t let him get me.”

Suddenly, a knife flies at him, catching his temple and carving a thin scar as he attempts to dodge. A second later, Carey is flying towards him, posed for a kick. He holds out a hand, and a tree branch grabs her by the ankle, swinging her around and sending her flying towards Barry, who corporealises himself in time to catch her, being pushed backwards with the force of the effort. Cam’s voice is colder, this time. “Don’t come after me.”

With that, he turns on his heels and runs off, the trees shifting to cover his path. Lucretia cries out, staggering forwards, and is blocked by two elementals. She shoots three Magic Missiles at them, blowing them backwards, taking a step forward- and pauses, looking back at Taako pinned to the ground- Barry sprawled out with Carey on top of him- Kravitz still attempting to get to his feet, yet more elementals descending upon him- and shakes her head.

“I’m so sorry.” she says, despairing, and disappears into the woods.

“Lucretia!” Barry calls, shifting to go after her. Two more elementals step in front of him, and Carey’s hisses from where she’s sprawled, a dark bruise blossoming on the side of her head. He shoots off some Acid Arrows, which eats through one and gets the other in the shoulder.

“God _ dammit _ ,  _ Lucretia _ -” Taako screams after her, slamming a hand into the elemental pinning him. It looks momentarily surprised as its form begins to shift- flattening until it sinks back into the ground. He gets up and begins to go after her, but it’s impossible to ascertain her path in the thick woods. He looks like he’s about to rush in anyways, until Kravitz slams his scythe into the ground and two more elementals dissolve into dirt. He then swings his scythe at another, and says thinly:

“What. The  _ fuck _ . Is going on?”

“Look, bubbleh, you’ve fucked up enough. Maybe let us handle the rest, which we  _ were _ doing before you showed up.”

Kravitz narrows his eyes. “I’m afraid that I can’t just  _ let _ you two go free, regardless of circumstances.” He cuts through the last elemental, and stares down the three of them. “I’m willing to let the dragonborn go, but you two are going to have to give some explanations.”

Taako opens his mouth furiously, but Barry intejects, eyes sliding from the woods where Lucretia disappeared within to the Reaper in front of them. “Taako- I want to go as much as you do, but we have no idea where they are now. And besides, whatever Lucretia is, I’m pretty sure she’s not going to be taken by the Relic’s thrall. She has her staff- she’ll be fine.”

He glances at Kravitz. “Besides, I really do not want to have this particular encounter again.”

Taako’s shoulders are a hard line of tension. “Fine, whatever.”

Kravitz nods at them, and cuts his scythe through the air, cutting a tear into empty space and revealing a black void. He looks expectantly at them.

“Before we do this, I want a promise that you won’t be throwing us into the brig without hearing us out.” Taako informs him, only slightly less sharply. Kravitz peers at him slowly, tilting his head. Then, his features shift, revealing a handsome man in a three-piece suit, a feathered cloak thrown over it. He takes Taako’s hand.

“You have my word,” he says, shaking it firmly. Then, he turns and walks through the tear, leaving the two of them in the empty grounds of Felicity Wildes. Barry sets Carey down carefully, leaning her against a tree and whispering a  _ ‘I’m sorry, you’ll be safer here’ _ , only getting a soft groan in response, before turning towards Taako. He blinks at the expression on the other’s face, and can’t help the soft snort that escapes.

“Shut  _ up _ ,” Taako informs him, still slightly flushed, and floats imperiously through the tear, Barry still giggling as he follows.

* * *

“Nice digs,” Taako whistles, stepping into the dark woods and Victorian furnishings that make up Kravitz’s living room. Kravitz flushes a little at the compliment, trying not to stare at the elven lich.

He couldn’t think of any other place to take them, except for his lodgings. What was he even  _ doing _ , though, giving them a chance? He’s a  _ professional _ \- he can’t let himself be swayed by a pretty face. Even if it’s a very,  _ very _ pretty face.

Of course, the whole issue with the magic bell, and the woman who apparently has seven lives- those were perfectly good reasons to hear them out, too.

“Sooo,” he says out awkwardly, gesturing towards a sofa. Oh god, this is such a bad idea. “Do you want...some wine?”

The two liches - Barry and Taako, he remembers - glance at each other, before Taako shrugs a shoulder.

“Sounds rad, homeboy,” he drawls, sprawling into the seat in a loose, elegant form. Kravitz can't quite help the drag of his eyes across the sinuous lines of his body. He pulls his eyes back up to meet Taako’s and he blushes at the elf’s smug, half-lidded eyes, accented by glittering whorls of pink.

He clears his throat. “Uh, right. I’ll- just get that. Now.”

As he goes into the kitchen, he hears Barry hiss to Taako: “Don’t you  _ dare _ .”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” came the answering drawl.

Kravitz walks into the room with a bottle of red wine and three glasses, setting them on the coffee table neatly and pouring them each a glass. Taako lifts a glass to his lips, and Barry frowns at him.

“Uh, Taako, you know we can’t...drink, right?”

“Aw, Barold, I’m sure Skullduggery here has some of that sweet, sweet fermented juice that all sentient forms can enjoy, corporeal or no.”

Kravitz’s face flushes.  _ Oh god, no. _

“Actually...”

Taako’s features twist in disappointment, and Kravitz has a wild moment where he considers  _ looking for Astral wine _ , even though he has no idea what that would even mean. Maybe his Queen would have an idea- 

He shakes his head- he can’t go to the  _ Raven Queen _ looking for wine for  _ liches _ , that would be insane.

“My form is actually corporeal- at least, this one is.” he tells them, gesturing at his body. Taako shamelessly rakes his eyes up and down Kravitz’s form.

“About that, my dude, I have to say- showing up in  _ this  _ ensemble would be a lot more effective at...luring your prey. Maybe try that, instead of the Cockney shit.”

“ _ Anyways _ ,” Barry coughs out, elbowing Taako surreptitiously. The elf elbows back without looking. “Uh, we can explain the lich thing? Or do you want to know about the bell, first? I mean, they’re all kind of connected, so it doesn’t really matter, but.”

“Let’s begin with why I couldn't find you two, two  _ liches _ ,  _ together _ , at the site where, according to my book, the liches Edward and Lydia had resided. As you know, I am an emissary of the Raven Queen- theoretically, there is no place, on any of the planes, where I would not be able to access. And yet I wasn't able to locate the place where half a dozen of my targets apparently converged. Care to explain?”

“W _ ell _ , to understand that, first I’mma need to ask you this.” Taako leans forward, amber eyes sharpening. “Can you understand me when I say  _ Animus Bell _ ?”

“The Animus- the bell that that man had?”

“Huh, thought so.” Taako slouches back, looks at his companion. “Remember, the others couldn't understand Lucretia?”

“So we weren’t the only ones- and it wasn’t just the IPRE.” Barry looks thoughtful. “That’s what you were so confused about, back when we were looking.”

“I noticed a distinct lack of stories about the Relics, or any crazy magic incidents.” Taako agrees. “Seemed strange that after a decade of war, it’d all blow by so quickly.”

“Sorry, the war?” Kravitz interrupts. “You mean, the series of incidents concerning incredibly powerful magic artifacts? Ones that increased my workload tenfold?”

He crosses his arms at the awkward look on the two liches’ faces. “I tried to locate these artifacts,” he said slowly. “But they moved around so fast that they were impossible to pin down. By the time I got anywhere, the place would be reduced to glass, or turned to styrofoam, and the item would be long gone.”

Taako’s face flickers at the last words, a complicated cocktail of guilt, grief, determination and practiced placidity playing over his beautiful features.

“Yeah, uh. That last one’s on me. That’s all Taako,” he says, and his voice only wavers in the slightest. Barry puts a hand on his shoulder, comforting, before turning to Kravitz with a stubborn line to his shoulders.

“We didn't have a choice,” he said. “It was either this, or allow this universe - allow  _ every plane of existence -  _ to be consumed.”

Kravitz blinks. Frowns. Sits down. “I think, I think you’re going to have to elaborate on that.”

Barry rubs his temples. Taako looks at his wine glass longingly.

“‘S a long story, handsome.” Taako said, sighing. “So get your sweet ass ready for a buckwild ride. For a start- do you know anything about the Light of Creation?”

* * *

Their story was...harrowing.

Taako hadn’t been kidding when he told Kravitz that it was a spectacular tale- if it had been presented to him in any other way, he suspects that he would have enjoyed the story thoroughly. As it was - taken as the truth, however far-fetched it seemed - well, it was more than a little disquieting.

The two had told him what they claimed to be a truncated version of their story. About a century-long journey taken by a crew of seven, traveling through space in a ship called the Starblaster, protecting an incredibly powerful force from an equally powerful evil. They had described the Light of Creation, struggling to articulate the sheer enormity of its power. They had told him about the Hunger, how it would consume planets, billions of lives lost even as the IPRE crew escaped, reliving their lives every year in different worlds. They described the Voidfish to him, a little haltingly, as they told him that their other crewmates were more familiar with the creature. They had told him, briefly, about how they - Taako, Barry, and Lup, Taako’s  _ twin _ \- had decided to become liches, to better protect their friends, to better complete their mission of saving the world. They told him about this world, their 99th cycle, and how they finally found a way to keep the Hunger from consuming the planes of existence, by splitting the Light into seven, each made into a powerful artifact by one of the crew. They explained the thrall of the Relics, how they needed to be desired, and the disaster that it caused.

“And then, well, everyone forgot. Including us. We realised what was happening- and, well, we knew that we could probably remember if we were liches, so...” Barry tells him, looking a little hesitant, but not regretful.

“And you can pretty much guess what happened next- blah blah blah Wonderland, blah blah blah liches, blah blah blah bell, blah blah blah Lucretia- and then, you!”

“So, what made this Wonderland place - the thing that the liches used - it was...a Relic?”

“The Animus Bell.” Barry looks upset. “My relic. It- it creates sentience in inanimate beings. I’m guessing that Edward and Lydia created Wonderland using malevolent energy of their own, and brought it - and everything in it - to life using the bell. It’s actually quite fascinating- or, at least, it would be, if it weren't for everything else.”

Kravitz might have believed their story to be just that - a story - except for how detailed it was, how visceral, and how it seemed to explain the bizarre events that had been happening for the past decade. It would explain the sudden appearance of the magical items, the sheer amount of destruction they caused, how quickly they seemed to vanish from everyone’s minds, and, well, the existence of Barry and Taako. Two liches who were astonishingly stable and, even more shockingly,  _ sane _ . Sure, Taako’s features would occasionally go indistinct when he talked about his sister, just as Barry’s hands would give off a small shower of sparks when he talked about his missing lover, but for the most part, they acted-  _ alive _ . It was that, more than anything, that convinced Kravitz.

“I have to talk to her Majesty about this.” he tells them, after a moment of consideration. “To be honest, I’ve never had a case like yours before. But I will admit that what you’re saying, if it is to be believed, is quite an explanation. And one certainly worthy of some...leeway.”

“Cool, cool cool cool. We’ll just, uh, stay here, then.”

Kravitz considers them. “That might be wise,” he admits. Then- “I will warn you, though. If this is a goof, and you escape somehow, I will  _ hunt you down _ . And this time? This time, I won’t show any mercy.”

Barry’s eyes go wide behind his spectral glasses ( _ why the spectral glasses? _ ), and he stares at Kravitz for a long moment, then says.

“You know, you’re not as scary as Carey is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you may ask: what the fuck is cam going to do with the bell? to which i would answer: i have no fucking clue.
> 
> find me on [tumblr](http://tweetsongs.tumblr.com)


	8. VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh jeez has it been a month? apologies my friends lsat lessons are stripping away my sanity and sense of time. have a new chapter.

“My Queen.”

_YES, KRAVITZ?_

The Raven Queen sounds exasperated, as she always does when Kravitz insists on formalities. Kravitz stands from his bow.

“I need to speak to you, about the bounty I was collecting today.”

 _AH, YES, THAT WAS QUITE THE TASK._ she says. _FOUR LICHES, IF I’M NOT MISTAKEN. WAS THERE AN ISSUE?_

“Actually, yes.” Kravitz takes a step towards her. “Two of the liches - Edward and Lydia - they had...become undone, at the time of my arrival. I attempted to engage the remaining liches, but they had companions - ones not within my jurisdiction - and then there were some, extenuating circumstances. Another woman was there- one of the people that came to our attention some time ago, the ones who had more than a few deaths, without any visits to the Astral Plane.”

_THE ONES OF MANY DEATHS. YES, I REMEMBER. IF I RECALL, IT WAS UNCLEAR WHAT THEY HAD DONE TO BE IN THEIR CONDITIONS, AND NONE OF THEM WERE DETERMINED TO BE ENGAGING IN NECROMANCY, SO I ALLOWED THEM TO BE WHILE YOU TOOK CARE OF OTHER MATTERS. I SUPPOSE I WAS MISTAKEN ABOUT THAT._

“Not quite. As far as I could tell, she was not there to engage in any necromantic activities, but for another reason entirely. Nevertheless, she got away.” He bows his head. “I’m sorry.”

A feathered appendage touches his chin, and he looks up to the face of his Queen. She gives the impression of a smile.

 _I’M SURE THAT YOU DID ALL YOU COULD, KRAVITZ_ . she tells him. Then, _AND THE OTHERS?_

Ah, yes.

“That’s-” he fumbles for the words. “That’s the reason I’m here, my Queen. There were some things that happened, when I tried to capture them - Taako and Barry, and, well, I have reason to believe that they are, for once, being honest when they claim to have extenuating circumstances.”

He looks down nervously, then back up. “My Lady,” he says. “If they are to be believed, then we have a far greater danger approaching, and we may need their aid to defeat it.”

The Raven Queen looks intrigued. _YOU ARE NOT ONE TO BE FOOLED BY SILVER TONGUES OR FANCIFUL TALES, MY CHILD, ESPECIALLY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS IN MY SERVICE. WHAT DID THEY TELL YOU?_

“I think it might be better if they told you themselves,” Kravitz admits. “It’s quite a long yarn, and I’m pretty sure they gave me the short version. They’re, uh-” he blushes. “They’re in my living room, right now.”

 _I SEE_ . his Queen sounds supremely amused. _BRING THEM TO ME, THEN. THEY HAVE MY WORD THAT THEY WILL FEAR NO HARM BY ME UNTIL THEY COMPLETE THEIR TALE._

“Thank you,” Kravitz says, bowing deeply once more, relieved.

* * *

He returns to find Barry and Taako still sitting on the sofa, though now they seem to be...attempting to spell their glasses of wine?

“What,” he says flatly. “Are you doing.”

Barry has the sense to look slightly sheepish, but Taako just blinks up at him innocently. Kravitz deeply wishes that he didn’t find it absolutely adorable.

“Just tryin’ to solve our little wine issue, Krav,” Taako says, wiggling his fingers. “With _magic_.”

“R-right,” Kravitz stutters out, startled by the sudden familiarity. “Right. The Raven Queen requests your presence. She’s willing to hear you out before making a judgement.”

Their eyes widen, meet.

“The...Raven Queen.” Barry says. “The Goddess. Of Death. Wants to talk to us.”

“Cool,” Taako adds succinctly. “Like, uh, right now? Her Deathliness wants to see us at this second? Right, yes, of course. Coolio, Taako’s fine- Taako’s totally up for charming the pants - the feathers? - off of your...mom?”

“She- the Raven Queen is not my _mother_ ,” Kravitz splutters. “And yes, she wants to see you immediately.”

The two liches stand up, Taako smoothing down his robes in practiced gestures while Barry waits beside him patiently. Kravitz cuts another tear in space open, leading to the Queen.

“And,” he hesitates, glancing behind him. “Try to be, uh, courteous. Remember, her Majesty is granting you a great favor.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Taako waves a hand through the air. “‘s all good, my dude. Taako’s got this.”

Barry smiles at him. “I’ll, I’ll try to keep him in check.”

Somehow, Kravitz really doubts anyone’s ability to keep Taako in check. He sighs, already regretting his decision, and gestures them through.

* * *

“‘Sup, your Deathliness,” Taako greets, as soon as he steps into the throne room. “so I hear you want to know about yours truly, my homeboy Barold here, and the thing that wants to vore this universe?

“Oh my god, we’re going to die.” Barry whispers from behind him.

Kravitz already looks like he’s considering reaping them this second- and, honestly? Barry can't blame him.

The Raven Queen is silent for a - terrifying - beat, and then, she _laughs_.

Or, at least, she makes a sound that sounds vaguely analogous to laughter, a sound like funeral hymns, the dry rustle of dying leaves in autumn.

 _HELLO,_ she says. _YOU MUST BE TAAKO. KRAVITZ TOLD ME THAT YOU HAD QUITE A TALE._

“You have _no_ idea, m’lady,” Taako’s gesturing grandly, now, casually charming in the absurd way that he is. Barry smiles reluctantly, both at Taako and at the gobsmacked look on Kravitz’s face, he could sympathise, although he’s now used to the way that him and Lup can talk their way out into people’s favors even while being- well, _them_.

Then the Raven Queen turns to him, and he instinctively stiffens, panics, and bows clumsily.

 _AND YOU’RE BARRY BLUEJEANS,_ she greets him. _YOU MUST BE QUITE A NECROMANCER, FOR YOUR LICH FORMS TO BE SO STABLE._

“Y-yes?” Is she complementing or threatening him? “Thank you? Um, sorry?”

 _IT DEPENDS ON YOUR STORY_ , she informs him. And so, they tell her.

The story comes come smoothly this time, with the ease of repetition. They tell her about the Light, the Hunger, how they became liches in their century in space. She listens to all of it attentively, occasionally interjecting with a question. It’s still strange, to tell somebody this, after a century of not needing to.

 _YOUR STORY...EXPLAINS THINGS._ She says, after they finish. _ISTUS HAS RECENTLY BEGUN TO SENSE AN EVENT ON THE HORIZON, SOMETHING THAT SHE CLAIMS WILL SHIFT THE VERY FABRIC OF REALITY- OR DESTROY IT COMPLETELY_

“The goddess of fate, huh?” Taako considers. “Yeah, that seems about right.”

Barry takes another step forwards, pleading. “We don’t know what Lucretia did, or what she wants with the Relics, but- if she’s planning to mess with them, it might bring the Hunger back to this plane, and then- you have to understand, I’m not belittling you, or any other forces on these planes, when I say that none of you have _any chance_ against this thing. If it comes, it’s going to destroy this universe, and if none of us get the Starblaster away- well, then, it’s going to consume _everything_.”

The Raven Queen peers at him, and it’s almost like being in the courtroom, again, under the scrutiny of the Judges. Except her gaze is more curious and assessing than cold, and when she speaks again, her voice is gentle.

 _I WILL NEED TO CONFER WITH ISTUS_ , she decides. _BUT, IF YOUR STORY IS TRUE, THEN WE WILL WORK OUT A WAY TO GRANT YOU SOME LEEWAY TO ACCOMPLISH YOUR GOALS._

She looks at Kravitz, then. _KEEP WATCH OVER THEM FOR NOW, KRAVITZ, AND I WILL CALL UPON YOU ONCE I HAVE MADE MY DECISION._

Kravitz sweeps into a bow, far more elegantly than what Barry had managed. “Yes, my Queen.”

* * *

When they return to the room, there is another figure in the throne room. This woman was different to the Queen in every way possible: all pastels and soft human features beside the ornate, feathered creature-Queen.

Kravitz bows deeply: “My Queen, Lady Istus.”

Lady Istus laughs, light and sweet, and puts down her knitting. “Kravitz, sweetheart, how many times have I told you- you don't have to stand on ceremony with me.”

Taako whistles softly. “ _Nice_ , Krav, you got an in with _two_ goddesses?”

Kravitz blushes as Lady Istus’ smile turns a little more knowing, as his Queen ruffles her feathers in amusement. She turns to Taako.

“Hello, Taako, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” she turns to Barry. “And you, too, Barry Bluejeans. You two are, _interesting figures_ , to say the least. I believe that I may be of some help to you, and your unique situation.”

Her smile widens slightly, almost mischievous. “How would you boys like to become my emissaries?”

* * *

Taako reacts first: “Wait, you’re offering us a _gig_?”

“You could say that,” Istus replies. “The Raven Queen cannot simply excuse the existence of two liches, regardless of circumstances. However, if you were under my protection, acting as my emissaries, some...leeway, can be granted.”

“But would we need to, uh, do anything?” Barry asks. “I’ve never heard of the Goddess of Fate taking any emissaries before.”

“We’re kind of on a time crunch, here,” Taako adds. “Like, if Luce’s end goal is to collect all the Relics, then we have however long that takes, and then like, a year? Maybe less? Before the Hunger comes. We don't have time for any side-quests, yanno?”

“Oh, don't worry about that.” Istus waves an arm around carelessly. “What you’re doing right now - protecting the Relics, defying the Hunger - you may not have realised it, but that _is_ the duty of Fate.”

She looks down at her craftsmanship, frowns. “It’s not quite how I thought it would happen, but nonetheless, your threads _are_ converging as they should, albeit differently than it might’ve been.”

Barry and Taako look towards one another, confused. Istus catches their expressions, and smiles.

“Don’t worry about that,” she says. “Just keep doing what you’re doing, and you will be serving me well.”

With that, she unspools two threads from the seemingly infinite scarf that she’s weaving, the rainbow of colors shining and settling into gold, and holds it out towards them. Both of them take theirs, and it coils around their fingers, their wrist, gleaming bright before disappearing.

“Now, for your gifts,” she says, smiling. She reaches into her robes, and pulls out two small objects.

She gives Taako the Bag of Necessity, which he takes with fascination, turning it around in his hands and already looking as though he were thinking about how to pick the lock.

To Barry, she takes out a small, circular object, opening the golden cover to reveal an intricately crafted compass. “This is the Guiding Compass. It works as a regular compass most of the time, but when you need it most, the needle will lead you to where you have to be.”

Barry _knows_ where he needs to be, though, although he wouldn't be able to point to it on a map. The compass seems unnecessarily cruel- what was the point, if it couldn’t lead him to Lup _right this second_?

Istus seems to read his expression, and her features soften in sympathy. “Don’t worry,” she says. “You’ll meet again soon enough. You don't need my help to find her.”

“Care to elaborate on that, sugar-momma?” Taako asks, desperation a quiet thread in his voice. “Y’see, ‘soon enough’ isn't a good enough answer when it comes to my sister. I’d like to find her _right now_ , if you please.”

“I- can’t.” She looks apologetic. “The path you’re taking right now- it’ll bring you to her. I can tell you that. But I can only see the threads of what could be, not what is. Finding her will be up to you.”

She begins to knit again, smiling. “Though I can say this- you might want to start in Goldcliff.”

Barry closes his eyes, riding out the wave of longing, which hurt almost more than the grief. “Well, then, I suppose we’d better get started.”

* * *

“Try not to break any more laws of life and death,” Kravitz informs them dryly, standing in front of a tear in reality, supposedly leading them back to the place they’d just left. Taako winks at him, causing him to duck his head and blush.

“No promises, bone-daddy,” he says, then: “you’ll just have to check up on us, to make sure we aren't getting into any trouble.”

Then, before Kravitz can answer, he takes Barry’s arm and pulls him through to the Material Plane, flashing a grin over his shoulder and waving as the tear closes.

They go to check on Carey, who wasn’t sleeping on the forest floor anymore. They couldn't decide whether to be anxious or relieved about that.

“In hindsight,” Taako muses, looking at where she had been, “leaving her there wasn't our brightest idea.”

“...she’s probably alright?” Barry ventures.

As if on cue, a dagger comes flying out of the woods, catching him on the robe. Both him and Taako whip around, spells at the ready.

“Yeah, I’m fine, but I think it’s time for some explanations, don’t you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one day i'll find out where this fic is supposed to go. today is not that day.


	9. VIII

“Oh my god.” Taako says, blinking in shock. “Oh my gooooood. What the fuck. Why, why the fuck would you do that. _How_ did you do that.”

Carey melts out of the woods, a neat bandage on her head. “I’m a fucking _bomb-ass_ rogue.”

“Man, I forgot rogues could do that. We, uh, never had any, right? Just, like, five wizards, a cleric and a, uh, fighter. Man, we were fucked up.”

“Carey! I’m so glad you’re okay- are you dizzy? Do you need any medical help?”

“Dude, I just went through a crazy game show made by two liches, found out that the dude I was hired to protect apparently had some, like, ghost _bodyguard_ ? And then that he was a _ghost himself_ , apparently? And, like, then there was that crazy brainwashing bell, some, like, staticky shit? And the fucking _Grim Reaper_ , and what I’m saying is that I want my payment, I want explanations, and I want both _right now._ ”

“Um.” Barry looks around. “I- Taako?”

“Look, Carey- first, hi. I’m Taako, from TV? We’ve met. _Anyways_ , I, uh, I would _love_ to give you some explanations, but it’s like- you’ve heard the static, right? The static and, uh, any possible explanations come hand-in-hand, so, like, if you can't hear me when I say that we were, say, part of an intergalactic mission to protect the Light of Creation from the Hunger- I can't give you much, homie.”

“I got...about half of that.” Carey squints at them. “Okay, so apparently you people speak in some kind of weird static thing. Fine. Doesn't explain why you didn't tell me about  the whole-”

She waves over Taako, who wiggles his fingers in a wave. Barry sighs: “Would you have _believed_ me?”

“Well, I can see him, so I’m gonna go with _yes_.”

“No, I mean-” he shakes his head. “Look, I’m sorry. I should’ve told you. I just- I didn't think you’d come with me, and I wouldn't have been able to find Wonderland by myself. It’s not an excuse, but- uh, for various reasons, I didn’t actually know as much as it probably looks like I did.”

Carey stares at him fixedly, making him fidget under her gaze. “Fine,” she snaps. “But I want my fuckin’ _money_ , at least.”

“U _m_.”

“Do you mean,” Carey says dangerously. “That you don’t have _my jewels_?”

“They were on my body,” Barry says helplessly. “Which, well...”

They look over at the scorched spot where he’d been killed, not even bone left behind.

“Okay, fair enough.” Carey allows. She sighs. “Man, this fucking _sucks_ . You’re saying that I went on this batshit trip for _nothing_?”

“You still have what I gave you before?” Barry offers, and she levels him with a dry look. He shrugs helplessly.

Just then, Taako snaps his fingers and grins, looking over at Carey. “If you think that you’re, uh, up for it, I’m pretty sure I know a way for you to get those jewels back.”

Carey and Barry stare at him.

“Huh?”

* * *

“This is,” Carey hisses, “a _terrible_ idea.”

They were walking along the streets of Goldcliff, Carey their ‘physical body’, so that they wouldn't have to spend months reforming. Barry and Taako float behind her, carrying on a muttered conversation that she occasionally contributed to, leading to some bizarre looks.

“Istus said that we should start in Goldcliff, and where else would a R- the thing that we’re looking for be, except in a bank vault? ‘S not like anything’s, like, made out of bubblegum or some shit, so obviously nobody _has_ it.”

“Wait- you think it’s _your_ , uh, thing? Where did you put it?”

“Dropped it into the ocean, m’man, where else would you throw a rock? But, like, who the fuck knows now. ‘S not like _you_ decided for your bell to be, fuckin’, used by Thing One and Thing Two.”

“But, _what_ are we looking for, exactly?” Carey asks. “You said that there were six more things like that bell, but a little more detail would be nice. Or will we find it when _I_ go batshit and try to, like, magic some trees?”

“I, I’m just not sure if you’ll get anything? There’s Taako’s rock-”

“- The Rock -”

“That’s just the same thing with capitals, but okay. My, uh, Chimer-”

Carey blinks at him. “You named your immensely powerful magical object _Chimer_?”

“Look, we weren't really thinking about _branding_ -”

“Speak for yourself, homie.”

“Except for Taako, apparently. There’s Magnus’, what was it again?”

“Magic Cup. He wasn't exactly creative.”

“Right, that. There’s Lucretia’s Bulwark Staff, Davenport’s Illusory Lens, Merle’s- belt-”

“- Plantfucker-”

“Taako, _no_ \- and, um.”

He feels his throat close up momentarily. Unnecessarily.

“Lup. Lup’s-” he laughs, a little choked, despite his inability to cry. “Her Fuckoff Fire Gauntlet.”

“So if I see- hey, what the fuck-”

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry-” the halfling woman turns to where Carey had been knocked down, looking genuinely contrite. “Here-”

She helps her up, looking harried. Barry follows her backwards glances, and sees a long-haired figure, mask barely visible from their back, getting smaller as they move further away. “Sorry- I have to-”

With that, she turns and begins to run again, shouting “You’re not getting away!” as she goes.

“Was she wearing a police badge?” Carey comments. Then, with a shrug: “Whatever, let’s go rob a bank, I guess.”

* * *

“Ohfuckohfuckohfuck- _run faster_!”

Barry casts a flash of light behind him, disorienting the officers following him. Taako follows suit, as Carey does some hardcore parkour to avoid their pursuers.

“Why, why the fuck would they have so many magic-detection spells?” Taako demands, transmuting the floor below some of the officers into Quicksand, shouting _“Suck it!”_ behind him as they fall.

“It’s a _bank_ , what the fuck did you think would be there?” Carey retorts, ducking a spell. She continues. “So much for _‘it has to be there’_ , I didn't even manage to grab that many jewels-”

Barry points in front of them- “There!”

Taking a diving leap, Carey smashes through the window of the giant wagon, landing in- someone’s lap. Barry and Taako materialise in the back seat. The two occupants jolt.

“DRIVEDRIVEDRIVEDRIVE-” Carey babbles, and the engine begins whirring.

“Wait-” the woman Carey’s on top of begins to protest, but the driver is already stepping on the gas, tearing off into a narrow alleyway.

It’s only then that Barry recognises the passenger as familiar figure of the halfling woman that’d knocked Carey over earlier, a ram’s mask now perched on the top of her hair.

“Sloane, we can't do this- I’m a _cop_!” the woman argues, hooking an arm over Carey’s waist for safety nonetheless. The driver - Sloane - smirks from beneath her raven mask.

“Don’t be such a buzzkill, Hurls. You hang out with me, right?”

“That’s- that’s different! I don't actively _aid and abet_ you!”

“We didn't steal anything!” Carey squeaks out, maneuvering so that she’s sitting in the back seat, Barry and Taako moving over to make room for her.

“Yeah, it’s like, if we’re not even allowed to go into a bank and look at the wares, then what kind of society are we, even?”

“A functional society?” the halfling woman answers, as the police become smaller and smaller in the background. “Why would you do that, that’s still breaking the- Oh my god, you’re _liches_ , what the hell is even happen- _Sloane_ , _slow down_ , we’re not in a race!”

Contrary to her words, though, she looks like she’s getting sucked into the adrenaline of the moment, mouth curving up in an involuntary grin. They make a sharp turn, and she laughs involuntarily. Her taller companion turns to grin at her in return, the two looking delighted in their moment before she turns back towards them: “You guys have any destinations in mind? I think we’re good on the cops- the losers.”

“Oi.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, your coolness is an exception, and you know it.”

Carey speaks up then, cutting through the policewoman’s expression of startled pleasure. “Yeah, speaking of, why _is_ a policewoman riding in a battle wagon with the _Raven_ ? Wearing a _Ram’s_ mask? Like that famous racing duo?”

Sloane beams. “So you’ve heard of us! Yeah, we’re the Raven and the Ram, but you can call me Sloane.”

She looks over at her partner, who rolls her eyes. “I’m Lieutenant Hurley, of the Goldcliff militia.”

Barry looks between the two of them, and Carey. “Uh, the Raven and the Ram...?”

“They’re racers? For the races around Goldcliff?” Carey waves out the window, towards their wealthy-to-destitute surroundings. “It’s, like, classist as fuck, but the rich people in this town fund these violent as hell, no-holds-barred races around Goldcliff. It’s not technically legal, but they’re all anonymous, so nobody can do shit about it.”

She jabs a thumb at the two women in the front: “These two are some hotshot new racers- they’ve basically been blowing everyone else out of the water from day one. I’ve got to say, I didn't think that one of you’d be a _cop_.”

Hurley flushes. “Sloane was, uh, very convincing.”

Sloane smirks: “I seduced her with _racing_.”

“That’s- not the point. More importantly, I want to know why _you_ ,” she looks at Carey, “are apparently breaking and entering banks with two _liches_.”

Carey sighs: “It’s a long fucking story. Honestly, I’d like to know myself.”

Taako takes over. “That’s, uh, a little unfair, don’t cha’think? Some liches are, like, fully functional members of society!” he puts a hand to his chest dramatically. “Don't paint all of us with the same brush! I’m _multidimensional_!”

Barry slants an unamused look at his companion, who shrugs. “We just, wanted to check something out? We didn't really have a plan. You can drop us off, wherever, I guess- I mean, unless you happen to know where um, incredibly powerful magic artifacts are kept?”

Hurley blinks back at them, incredulous, but Sloane looks thoughtful.

“That- I might have an idea about that, actually.”

* * *

The second they got to the shop, Barry knew it was the place. Maybe it was the magic pulsating over the entire structure, maybe it was the small disaster that marked its surroundings, highlighting the utter abandonment of the entire block, or the occasional sounds of things breaking sounding through the otherwise quiet street.

Maybe it was the vines that covered every square inch of the place.

“How...long has it been like this?” Barry asks, staring.

Sloane looks just as surprised- “I was here about a week ago, and it wasn't like this then. This- it’s a pawn shop where I go to sell my stuff, I didn't think- I just thought that, if you wanted weird magic shit- what the fuck _is_ this?”

“Apparently, it’s Plantfucker,” Taako replies, cheer veiling his worry. “How convenient. Almost like fate, am I right?"

The others look like they have no idea what he's talking about, and Barry eyes the structure warily. "Right," he says. "Leave the rest up to us. I guess.”

Hurley steps forwards, frowning: “I can’t- you get that I can't let you go in there alone, right? I’m a _police officer_ , it’s my job to protect people. I can't just let you guys go running into an obviously dangerous situation.”

“If Hurley’s going, I’m going.” Sloane informs them. Barry holds up a hand.

“It’s not that we want to protect you- if anything, we’d like to protect _ourselves_ ,” he gestures to the storefront- “this thing that we’re after- the belt - it possesses people, until they use their powers to do, well, _this_.”

“He’s right,” Carey confirms grimly. “If this thing is anything like the one I saw- It just fucking _takes_ you, man. I was trying to grab it before I knew what it was, and I’m not even a magic user! The dude that got it- he seemed real fucked up, to say the least.”

“And you’re telling us to trust two _liches_ ,” Hurley jabs a thumb at Barry and Taako, “with a situation that depends on extreme _self-control_?”

“Well, they seemed surprisingly fine with the last one.”

“Hurley, Lieutenant, safekeeper of the law- look at it this way,” Taako spreads his palms out. “Me ‘n Barold here _are_ liches- that is, like, an undeniable fact, but, hey! We’re _stable_ liches, which is, uh, a pretty solid point in our favor!”

“That’s not...that’s not how this works. You know that, right?”

“Either way, Taako and I have to go inside. You guys- if you really want to come with us, fine. But _stay away from the Relic_.”

Barry’s already moving towards the door as he says this, unease spurring him towards the pulsating plants covering the structure. Taako follows, and casts a Scorching Ray at the plants.

The vines burn away momentarily, only to regrow instantly, thicker than before.

“Okay, in hindsight, we might’ve wanted to, uh, figure out _how_ to get through this door before we argued about _who’s_ getting through,” Taako says to noone in particular, frowning. Carey pulls out a knife, and cuts through a vine. It regrows more thickly.

“Do you have teleportation magic, or something?”

“I mean, I have Blink, but that’s not really gonna get us inside...” he trails off, and the vines pulse heavily again, before there is the sound of shattering glass inside. The five of  them jolt.

“We have to get in there,” Barry says, and there is a low noise from behind him.

He, Taako and Carey turn around to find Hurley sitting in the driver’s seat of the wagon, her mask over her face. Sloane’s already in there with her, half-leaning out the window.

“Get in,” Hurley orders grimly. “I’m about to _wreck some shit_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love my tree lesbians so much


	10. IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit i cannot believe we're at over 250 kudos what the actual fuck, y'all are too nice to my procrastinating ass.
> 
> uhhhhhh some trigger warnings for some plant-based body horror shit here, because the gaia sash has some serious grossness potential

Logically, Barry knew that he was very hard to kill. He was a _lich._  A being of pure energy. Invulnerable against nearly all physical attacks.

That being said, he really, _really_ wished that he could put on a seatbelt.

Hurley turns over to Taako and Barry, who are on either sides of the back seats, Carey crouched in the middle: “Alright, you two blast the vines on Sloane’s count, and I’ll ram through at the same time- Sloane will give us...an extra boost.”

She grins fiercely: “We’re gonna go full-throttle from the beginning, as fast as this thing can- so keep a hold onto your asses, because our girl can _move_.”

The two of them glance at each other warily - at Carey, who looks absolutely _delighted_ \- and lean out their respective windows, readying a Scorching Ray in either of their shadowy palms.

“Ready on three, Hurls,” Sloane says, looking smitten- with the car, or the girl in it, Barry couldn’t tell. He wasn’t sure there was a difference. She reaches over to the dashboard in front of the passenger’s seat, hand hovering over the cluster of buttons and levers. Her hand pauses as they reach a bright, ominous-looking red button, and her teeth bares in a bloodthirsty grin. “Three- two- _one_!”

The two of them throw their spells at the vines, the fire burning the plants as the front of the wagon hits the barrier. It feels a little like being on the Starblaster at the end of a particularly close cycle, Davenport pulling out all the tricks up his sleeve to escape the Hunger with at least one alive member. Except even Davenport had a better appreciation for their compromised mortality. Mostly.

The five of them are wreathed in fire for a moment, red and gold flickering over their vision and sparks, white-hot, spilling into the windows like constellations. They fly through bits of burning plants and mortar, the force of the car slamming through solid material - on fire though it was - violently jostling them. Hurley and Sloane don't even blink, looking perfectly at ease with the utter disaster going on around them, whopping in laughter as they ram headfirst through the flames. Carey had long since flipped into a position beneath the seats, curling into herself as if instinctively trying to protect herself. Barry himself manages to keep his cool in the whirlwind with no more than a small grimace, unfortunately familiar with the sickening lurches of a vehicle doing impossibly reckless stunts. Taako, on the other side, is grinning as widely as their drivers are, the firelight glowing across his skin rendering him heart-wrenchingly familiar for a moment.

And then they're on the other side of the store, the fire behind them beginning to splutter out as the overgrowth smothered rather than fed it. The inside of the store looked like- well, a pawn shop overgrown with plants. There were shelves knocked over by growing saplings, what looked to be formerly-priceless goods strewn broken on the ground. Bushy growths curl and spill from the edges of the counter, breaking through the glass displays like badly thought out flower pots. As the wagon abruptly slammed into a stop, the plants turn slowly to them like, well, sunflowers to the sunlight.

“This isn't creepy at all,” Carey remarks lightly, crawling out of the window. Barry and Taako follow suit, searching the grounds for any signs of the magic item or its user.

“Oh my god, that’s- that vase was stolen last week!” Hurley stares at the pieces of art that litter the floor, head swiveling wildly. “And those are the pieces of jewelry that were- that was a year ago! There must be _years_ worth of goods here- how much is this _worth_?”

“At least ten million gold, at a modest estimate,” Sloane says, a little shellshocked herself. She shakes her head, beginning to look pissed. “That’s _years_ of good work, just- gone!”

“Holy shit, please don't say any more. I’m morally obligated to report all this, you know, and if you tell me then I swear to god we are both going to be in _so much trouble_.”

Meanwhile, Carey looks through the piles of wildlife, hands grasping over and under leaves, branches, flowers, vines.

“Where the fuck-” she says, and a hand grabs her arm, pulling her towards the pile of bushes and vines.

“Carey!” Barry yells, and, without thinking, grabs her free arm. Almost instantly, a curl of honeysuckles extends from their grasp on Carey’s body, curling over his arm in an almost-caress.

“Jesus Christ, it feels like a _hand_ grabbing me, I think I’ve found our magic user,” Carey gasps, pulling at her and Barry's entwined hands to scrabble at her hip and drawing a knife, awkwardly slicing at the vines connecting them until Barry's hand is relatively free.

The vines disintegrate into ash as they are detached, and Carey lets go of Barry before more vines take their place. Then, in a smooth, sharp motion, Carey pulls her hand upwards, her arm jerking to a still as the hand that had grabbed her reveals itself.

The arm that is now visible from the pile of growth, horrifyingly, looks as if it's  _sprouting_. Not the way that dryads or earth elementals sprouted, buds and leaves blooming organically over their bark-like skin, but instead in lumps under distinctly humanesque skin, breaking epidermis like cysts, the leaves and flowers stained with blood that painted the pale skin scarlet tinged with green.

“Is this-” Carey groans, scales going slightly green. “Oh god, this is the _worst_ . I’m in hell right now, what is _up_ with the magic around you people.”

Sloane peers at the arm with a mixture of fascination and (mostly) revulsion. “Is it just me, or is that pus I-”

“Please don't, oh my god, I really do not want to know.”

Barry leans in: “Huh, are those things growing from the muscles, or are they feeding on bone marrow, or…?”

He waves a hand over the plant life, which leans towards his form. “Are they attracted to movement? Are they like dryad flowers, and respond to their host’s desires? Man, I never knew that Merle’s belt could do _this_ , this is fascinating.”

“Maybe, ah, tone the creepy necromancy down to eleven, Barold,” Taako says dryly, noticing everybody’s incredulous looks. He tilts his head, considering, and points a finger at the vines at the base of the arm. “Carey? Stay very, very still.”

Carey abruptly stops pulling at her arm, going so still that she didn't even seem to be breathing. Taako, carefully adjusting his aim, fires off a small Ray of Fire.

The plants immediately begin to squirm in protest as they’re burned alive, making squeaking noises that makes Barry guiltily glad about Merle not being here. The hand jerks away in surprise, and Carey immediately retracts her hand, curling into a ball and rolling away to stand a good distance away from the pulsing arm. The five of them pause for a moment, watching the fingers slowly curl on empty space, red-green blood spilling into the mass of vines.

Then, the room explodes with green.

* * *

They’re almost immediately separated, the foliage growing thick and green between the five of them. The last thing Barry sees, before his vision is obscured completely, is Hurley grabbing Sloane’s hand, the two of them immediately going back-to-back. Sloane pulls out a dagger the length of her forearm, holding it protectively in front of her, and Hurley’s free hand begins to glow. Carey is pushed backwards, falling into a defensive crouch as she disappears. Taako’s hands fly outward, Magic Missiles hitting vines but not burning through them quickly enough to prevent him from being swallowed as well.

Barry burns through vines as quickly as he can, but the plants grow back faster than he can destroy them, each fallen leaf touching the ground and sprouting again, threatening to overwhelm him.

“How the fuck do we get rid of these things?” he hears Sloane shout, muffled.

Taako’s voice rings back: “if we can find the thug who’s controlling this shit, and blast the shit out of him-”

“Got it!”

There’s a flash of light somewhere to his left, and a slight, wet _thump_. Behind him, he can hear Carey’s grunts as she hacks and slices. There is the occasional whiff of smoke from Scorching Rays, and the air is almost constantly filled with the screams of dying plants. It’s not a great scene.

Barry flings out Acid Arrows, struggling against the plants that keep grabbing hold of him and tugging him in different directions. A few buds in the tangle of vines slowly ripens, blooms, and drips golden nectar onto Barry’s form, fizzing on contact and melting through the robes, then his manifestation. Barry hisses as the liquid touches his - skin? - and absorbs the magic that it touches.

“What was Merle even trying to _do_ with this?” he wonders, breaking through the vines through the liberal use of Magic Missiles.

Taako’s voice rings out, as if in reply: “What the _fuck_ was Merle doing when he asked Cap’nport for help on this? I knew Merle was into some kinky shit, but _Davenport_?”

It is, very possibly, the worst of all images.

Barry’s moment of traumatized horror gets him entangled in vines again, and he struggles in protest as they pull him deeper and deeper into their foliage. He gasps, psychosomatic, and tries to blast through the vines. They grow back faster than he can go through them, swarming him, enveloping him, until his vision is completely engulfed in black.

Distantly, he can hear yelling, Sloane’s muffled voice screaming - _‘Hurles, no!’_ \- and the sounds of Taako’s voice, mixing with Carey’s, muffled, protesting-

Then-

Barry is sprawled on the ground, hands at his throat, sparks of lich energy flying out from him, voice ragged. “What-”

“ _Hurley_ ,” Sloane says, voice wrecked, and some part of Barry must’ve processed her words before he was conscious of it, because when he looks up, he isn't surprised at what is in front of him.

At the sight of Hurley, dark skin tinged with faintly glowing green, the Gaia belt loosely wrapped around her hand.

* * *

 “I don’t-” Hurley says, voice weak but unshaking. “I don’t feel so great.”

Sloane staggers forward, but Taako’s there before her, an arm barring her from her partner. “Don't think you want to do that, dude.”

The elven woman ignores him, moving further forward. Taako grabs her wrist, the sparks lighting from his fingers making her start, turn towards him, eyes bright and wet.

“I mean it,” he says, quiet. “I know you want to help her, but you’ll just make things worse for her if you go. Just-”

He looks towards Barry, who has no idea what to do.

“Just- let me.”

Taako begins to inch forward, and it takes a lot for Barry not to stop him. Reaching a hand out carefully, Taako begins to speak in a soft voice. “Hurley? How- how’s that belt treating you?”

Barry stares at him incredulously, and Carey hisses _“Is he_ insane _?”_ from her place to his side. Hurley stares at him, a little blank.

“You were right,” she says, voice distant. “This belt- it’s more powerful than anything I’ve ever felt.”

Absently, she raises the hand grasping the belt, staring at the twist of viney material with something uncomfortably close to awe. At her feet, small snarls of green begin to climb her feet.

“O _kay_ , not great. Gotcha.” Taako inches even closer. “Is that a power you really _want_ , though? Didn't think you were the gardening type, to be honest. Or the plant kink type.”

“I have to do something,” Sloane says. “He obviously has no fucking clue what he’s saying.”

Really, Barry couldn't argue with that. Neither he nor Taako were experts in how to talk people down from a Relic-induced thrall- really, it wasn't even something that they’d thought about that much, when they made the damned things. They had just tried to have them done as fast as possible, before the Hunger could find them. He looks down at his hand on Sloane's arm, her fist white-knuckled with fear.

“Just…try not to get too close,” he says, eventually, taking a deep breath and loosening his grip. “It would suck if you fell under the thrall. Or, uh, died, I guess.”

Sloane is moving forward before he even finishes speaking, voice hiding more than a thread of worry as she addresses Hurley.

“Hey, Hurls,” she says, smile barely wavering in the face of Hurley’s enthrallment. Hurley’s face turns towards her, a little slow, and Barry’s almost but not quite startled at the small glimmer of recognition in her gaze. He lets out a small, hesitant internal sigh of relief. At least Hurley couldn't be completely gone, if she still recognizes her girlfriend.

“Sloane?” she says, and her voice holds an echoey quality that Barry very much does not enjoy.

Sloane moves another inch forward. “Yeah. It’s me. It's Sloane. Babe- I’m going to come closer, okay? I’m going to help you.”

“I don't-” Hurley’s breath hitches, thin green veins growing across the back of her hand. “I don't think that’s a great idea, Sloane. I don't know how long I can keep holding this. I don't want to hurt you.”

“You won't,” Sloane informs her, utterly confident. “You didn't when you were literally supposed to arrest me, so you won't now.”

Hurley gasps out something that might pass for laughter, in another world. “That’s because you ran away too quickly,” she says, and her voice is marginally less thrall-like. He shares a look with Taako. She continues, softer. “But I had you, eventually.”

Sloane’s an arm away, now, the vines at Hurley’s feet not attacking her, but not retreating either. Carey is tense by Barry’s side, hand still gripping her dagger, ready to move. Taako looks ready to bolt. The green veins in Hurley’s skin are retreating ever so slightly, her eyes focusing more on Sloane, who doesn't look away from her eyes.

“You've always had me,” she says, and darts out her hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: man i don't want to torture sloane with the sash again
> 
> me: .....let's torture hurley instead!
> 
> i swear i really do love these girls


	11. X

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which a deal is struck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh god has it been like four months i'm so sorry, i have no idea where this arc is heading and sloane doesn't want to help me hurt her gf.

It’s almost too fast to follow, the whiplash change from Sloane grabbing the belt to the thick pillar of greenery that stands in Hurley’s place, reaching through the ceiling and out of sight. Sloane is sprawled on the ground, Carey and Taako both holding her from going after Hurley. Barry flies up the growth, following its reach up into the sky.

“She’s gone,” he calls down, getting a litany of creative curses in response. Sloane struggles to escape.

“I have to-” she gasps out, movements sharp and desperate. Carey presses down harder.

“You  _ can't _ ,” she says sharply. “You-  _ Sloane _ ! Don't you get it? She ran away because you tried to take the belt- she’s not gonna want to see you.”

Sloane startles into stillness at the harsh words, and Carey’s voice softens into something less like a weapon. “It’s too late, Sloane. She’s gone.”

Barry has to close his eyes against the look in Sloane’s eyes, the familiar, gaping grief. He almost doesn't hear Taako’s quiet voice.

“Maybe not.”

All eyes turn on him, Carey’s grasp slackening enough with surprise that Sloane manages to wriggle out, hands shooting out to grab at Taako’s shoulder, her body falling through the intangible form as she fails. She twists around from her place on the ground. Eyes shooting back up.

“ _ What do you mean _ ,” she demands, entire body vibrating. 

Taako’s head is faced down, his voice contemplative. “She was- regressing. When you talked to her. It didn't work, but only when- when you tried to grab the belt. Before that-”

“She was definitely not going the same way as Cam,” Barry murmurs slowly, wheels turning in his mind. “The belt almost seemed to have less of a grasp on her, the more you two spoke.”

“That just means that I have to  _ find her again _ ,” Sloane spits out. “To get this thing away from her.”

Carey shakes her head: “It won't work- it  _ didn't  _ work.” she says. “At least, not right now. She’s  _ scared _ , Sloane. Of  _ you _ . Right now, you’re not going to be able to convince her to give that belt up.”

There’s a moment of silence as they try to digest this, and Barry sighs. “Look, this isn't important right now.”

Sloane turns towards him, eyes flashing with anger, and he puts up his hands.

“This isn’t important,” he repeats. “ _ Because _ we have to find her anyways. We can't just let her loose with the belt. What we do with her when we find her- we’ll figure it out.”

“Improv, huh?” Taako smirks lazily, looking almost convincingly unconcerned. “My specialty. So, where do we start?”

* * *

 

“Are you sure we should be here?” Carey hisses out of the corner of her mouth, her eyes shifting suspiciously from side to side. “We were  _ just  _ on the run from the fucking police, man, maybe we shouldn’t be- oh, I don't know,  _ walking into their freaking HQ _ ?”

“There are only so many places she would have gone, and this was the first place I thought of. It’s going to be fine- they won't do anything.” Sloane murmurs back, her stiff posture belying her confident words.

“You!” All of them freeze, Carey’s hands slipping to her pockets, Taako and Barry shifting in their invisible places. Sloane barely gets the chance to wince before she’s hit on the shoulder with a heavy pat, a broad man smiling in front of her.

“Captain Bane,” she says, smiling a little tightly. “Hi.”

“What are you doing here on the Lieutenant’s day off?” he asks, jovial. “I would’ve thought you’d be out with her, or something.”

Carey glances back, a clear expression of  _ what the actual fuck _ on her face. Taako looks impressed at the level of sheer bravado that would lead a known thief and illegal racer to  _ make friends  _ with the police captain of her also-illegal racer but also-police girlfriend. It was like these two thought that the whole racing thing hadn't been risky  _ enough _ .

“Uh, yeah. I was going to, but I couldn't find her at her place. She wasn't answering her Stone of Farspeech, either, so I was wondering if she was called in for something,” Sloane smiles, convincingly clueless. “Maybe she turned it off or something, we must’ve missed each other somehow. Anywaysgottagothanks!”

Before the captain has a chance to speak, she turns on her heel and starts walking away, Carey mimicking her quick movements. They’re almost at the door when Captain Bane’s voice rings out from behind, sharp and urgent.

“ _ What _ ’s happening to the Hammerhead headquarters?”

Sloane stops at the door, so abrupt that Carey nearly misses bumping into her. “That must be her,” she hisses. “That gang is another racing team that fucked with us on our last race- nearly dislocated my shoulder. Hurley isn't exactly a big fan.”

“I mean, it has to be a good sign that her first instincts were to get some payback on some jackasses that hurt her girlfriend, right?” Carey says, as they emerge outside the headquarters, following as Sloane’s steps quickening into a jog, then a run. “I mean, at least she’s not like, killing babies or anything.”

“And people say  _ I’m  _ insensitive,” Taako mutters, flying beside her. Sloane’s face doesn't look any more reassured.

“No- Hurley would never do that normally,” she says. “She wouldn't hurt someone if she had any other choice. She would just win against them next time instead.”

Barry stays silent, looking pained on Sloane’s behalf. Sloane herself begins to runs faster as she thinks about the implications of her girlfriend’s state of mind, outpacing even Carey in her haste. They all run - and fly - in silence, none of them able to think of anything to comfort the Raven. 

Carey glances towards Barry and Taako, visible again, their faces solemn in a way that’s become familiar and yet was still strange, as if their features hadn't been built for solemnity, although it was an expression that had frequently made its way onto their faces in the span of their acquaintance. They were worried about Hurley, obviously, but it was clear that they were more worried  _ of _ her than  _ for  _ her. Carey couldn't quite grasp it- she knew that, whatever the things they were looking for were capable of, they were incredibly dangerous, but Taako and Barry looked as if whatever Hurley was going to do, it was going to be a lot worse than sentient trees or killer mannequins.

They fly over railings and tumble over roofs until Sloane suddenly stops at the edge of a building, so abrupt that Carey almost runs into her again. She catches herself before she falls off the edge, wincing before looking at what stopped Sloane. She gapes.

It reminds her of the store that they found the sash in, the way that vines pulsate and grow out of the wrecked warehouse. But there’s  _ more _ there, somehow, in a way that Carey isn't quite able to quantify. Somehow the vines look more alive, brighter, and pulsating with energy that warns her away. The thing that catches her eye the most, however, is Hurley herself, held up by vines, the whites of her eyes completely green, her veins shifting under her skin, ink-black and green at turns, her hand wrapped around the throat of a human figure. Taako lets out a swear.

“This is bad,” Barry says superfluously, and Sloane jumps off the edge of the roof towards Hurley, a determined glint in her eye. Taako flies after her, and Barry holds out his hands to Carey, who allows herself to be carried in the lich’s flight.

“Hurley!” Sloane says, ragged. Taako, Barry and Carey float behind her, wary. Hurley - the sash - turns towards her. Hurley smiles at her, eyes glowing, and holds up her other hand.

“Hey, Sloane, watch this.”

In that hand is a bright orb of light, and Hurley tosses it lightly in the air before catching it again.

“An arcane core,” she says, her voice reverberating with a strange, otherworldly echo. “We’ve always said that it’d be cool to get one for our wagon, right?”

“Hurley-” Sloane moves forward, and Hurley doesn't even move a finger before vines wrap around Sloane’s wrists, pinning her in place.

“These guys were cheating all the time anyways, so it’s only fair to even the playing field a little.” She laughs. “Not that I need it anymore, to be honest.”

With a light flick of her wrist, she throws the core into the air towards Sloane, who staggers forward as the vines tangling her suddenly lets go. She catches the core instinctively, looking at Hurley with almost-fear in her eyes. Carey raises her voice.

“So, what are you planning to do with that sash, win some games? That doesn't sound particularly lucrative, or sportsmanlike,” she says, and Barry hisses  _ “don’t  _ provoke _ her!”  _ down at her. 

Too late.

Hurley shrugs. “Well, why not? I am more or less a god now, so might as well have some  _ fun _ , right?”

“Hurls, please, you don't want to do this,” Sloane says, stepping forward again. “You love racing, but you love racing for its own sake, not for winning- can't you see that this thing is changing you? The Hurley I knew would never have sabotaged anyone and called it  _ fun _ .”

Hurley narrows her eyes. “You were always telling me that I had to ‘lighten up’, Sloane, but now I think _you_ need to lighten up. You want to win, don't you?”

Sloane shakes her head. “I don't need - an all-powerful belt, or whatever, to win a race, Hurley. I never did.”

“Wanna bet?” Hurley says, smile widening. “How ‘bout a race, then? My ‘whatever’ versus your... _ whatever _ . Let’s see who needs what to win.”

“Are you  _ kidding  _ me?” Taako demands, incredulous, but Sloane’s eyes are already narrowing in determination.

“The belt. If I win, you lose it,” she says, standing straighter, the bravest thing that Carey has ever seen. Hurley narrows her eyes at her, then shrugs in aquicence.

“If  _ I  _ win, you’ll come with me,” Hurley responds. “The sash- Sloane, there’s so much it can do, and I think you’ll come to love it, if you let yourself.”

“I doubt it, but fine,” Sloane says.

Hurley tilts her head down in a nod. “You can have the core- call it a bonus,” she says, and suddenly the vines covering the warehouse begin to  _ move _ , growing they tower over her. Sloane lets out a shout, followed by the rest of them, but Hurley just smiles. Tosses the gang member in her grasp towards Sloane. Carey darts in front of her to catch him, realising with some horror that he looks like a human  _ teenager _ . She hears a rumbling in the ground, moving away from them, and looks up to find the vines completely covering where Hurley had been, the halfling’s muffled laughter echoing in its wake.

Barry floats over to her. “Is he-”

Carey checks the boy’s breathing. Sighs in relief. “He’s alive.”

She looks him over. “And- not that hurt, actually. More scrapes and bruises than anything.”

“Looks like that’s a theme!” Taako calls out from where he’s already floating over to the vine-covered structure. “I’ve got some folk all tied up in here, but none of them look, well, hurt- unless you mean psychologically, because this looks like the set of a fifty shades movie with a, uh, green filter over it.”

“She didn't hurt anybody,” Sloane murmurs, sounding bone-deep in her relief.

Taako spins on her. “Also. Did you just barter your soul in a, a  _ wagon race _ ? Because I think I’ve seen that movie before.”

Barry sets Carey on the ground, and adds: “That was...remarkable unwise.”

Sloane shrugs. “It worked, didn't it?”

“No, it didn't!” Carey bursts out. “It very much did not work!”

“But it  _ will _ ,” the elven woman retorts, stubborn. “It has to.”

At their still-skeptical looks, she tosses the arcane core up and catches it with only slightly shaky hands, grinning with deceptive confidence. “Besides,” she says. “I’ve never lost a race before, am I’m not going to start now.”

Taako stares at her, then turns to Barry.

“Man, she would’ve made a  _ great  _ lich,” he says, to a reluctant smile.

Carey sighs, already resigned to these bizarre twists of fate. “I guess we’re doing this thing,” she says. Then: “do you happen to have any more of those masks?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully the next ch is up before summer lol


End file.
